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She almost didn’t want to turn. Why was he torturing them both like this?
“Clara,” he said. The word cut through the quiet in the air. It was just a name, and yet it was far more than that. It was charged with emotion. Her name had never been spoken with such strength, intensity, or pain before.
“I’m surprised you are here. Are you not afraid that I shall ruin you again?” she spoke without looking around. There was a sharpness to her tone. He closed the distance between them. Now he was standing directly behind her. Clara’s eyes cracked open. She noticed the movement of his arm near her shoulder, but his hand hovered beside her arm, then it returned to his side.
“Do not mock me.”
“It is not my intention to mock you.”
“Why are you out here? I would have thought you would be in a celebratory mood given how everyone has been showering you with praise.”
“I find it overwhelming. I am not used to such occasions.”
“You should become used to them because you deserve this, Clara. After all you have done-”
Clara let out a dry laugh.
“Yes, I have done so much, as I always have,” she said softly. Now he did turn her around. His strong hand rested against her upper arm and moved her to face him. There was an intense look in his eyes. His lips parted, as though he was about to say something, but no words left his lips. Something silenced him.
Clara tilted her head to the side and searched his eyes. She was about to ask him a question, but then he leaned in. His other hand cupped her face. Her head arched back. They were alone. This was dangerous. Neither of them acknowledged it. The party was just a door away, and yet it might have been a whole continent.
Breath was stolen from her as he leaned forward. The pressure of his lips was firm and warm and everything she wanted. His fingers were soft against her cheek. A gentle murmur rippled out of him, joined by one of her own. Heat rushed to her cheeks. Her toes curled. Her stomach swam. Her mind became heady, as though she was spinning.
Clara became lost in the kiss, but only for a moment. The rules returned to her mind with a sense of alarm. Not just society’s rules, but her own. She stepped back, summoning the courage to pull away from his kiss.
Gerald’s hand was left in the air, touching nothing but air now. There was a puzzled look on his face. Clara couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She pushed past him, touching her lips. She headed towards the refreshment table and brought a glass of champagne to her lips, but it did nothing to wash away the sensation of his kiss.
She drew back, taking in a deep breath, trying to compose herself. This had gone too far.
Too far.
She had quite lost herself, and it was merely the same story that had been told for the rest of her life. Gerald was excited because she’d proven herself to be so impressive to all of these people. He dared claim he was ruined when he was the one who did the ruining. What did he believe would happen after that kiss? Why did he seek to torment her so much?
Clara turned and saw him return inside. He paused beside the door. He did not look in her direction. Instead, he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and studied it intently for a few moments before he strode away.
Clara found the children and ushered them away from the party. They protested.
“You have been allowed to stay up far too late already,” Clara said. She led them to the rooms that had been assigned to them and tucked them in. She sat by their beds, not wishing to return to the party. In the end she fell asleep in the chair.
Her dreams were haunted by Gerald’s kiss.
The following morning, the guests who had been hosted overnight gathered for breakfast. Everyone was in high spirits, although Clara intended to return to St. Margaret’s as soon as possible. If she had her way, she would have skipped breakfast, but the children were amazed at the feast, and she could not deny them the opportunity to have such a hearty meal.
Gerald was at the other end of the room, and Clara made sure to keep her distance.
It was only possible for so long.
Eventually he came to her.
“Will you join me for a walk? I wish to speak to you before you return to the orphanage,” he said. When she looked at him, Clara could see nothing but his lips. She could think of nothing but the kiss they shared. She could feel nothing but the weight of his lips against hers.
She clenched her jaw and tried to ignore the tightness of her throat. With other people in earshot, it did not feel polite to deny his request. Just as last night, he trapped her.
“Very well,” she inclined her head, then beckoned for a maid to join them. Gerald held a door open, and they walked into the gardens. The morning air was lively, the sun bright. There were a few other people who were taking a morning constitutional to help digest their hearty breakfast. Clara and Gerald nodded as they passed.
The silence that hung between Clara and Gerald felt different than before. The kiss changed things irrevocably, as she knew it would. She kept her head lowered and clasped her hands together. She waited for Gerald to speak, which he did so after some time.
“I must apologize to you for last night. It was unbecoming of me, and I should not have lost control of myself like that,” he said.