Page 200

“They can learn.”

“Then they can sleep near Daddy.”

I smile despite myself as I pull the blanket tighter around my shoulders and lower myself into one of the terrace chairs.

Through the glass, Biddy catches Sprout near the couch and reaches for the fabric hanging from his mouth, only for him to twist away and send her running after him again.

Babs joins the pursuit with the toy basket still hooked over one arm, and Mara says something I can’t hear that makes both girls stop and look at her.

I should go inside before the nursery samples become dog food, but I stay in the chair with one hand spread over my stomach, waiting until a small movement presses against my palm.

The doctor checked them twice before we left. I watched the measurements appear on the screen and heard both heartbeats myself, yet four minutes in that examination room were enough to send me straight back to waiting for everything good in my life to disappear.

My fingers move over the place where the baby kicked.

I hate that Spencer taught me how easily happiness can turn into a countdown.

The terrace door slides open behind me, and Bane steps outside wearing sweatpants and a dark T-shirt. “You vanished.”

“I moved twenty feet.”

“You vanished twenty feet.” He comes over and looks at the blanket around me before dragging the other chair closer. “It’s cold.”

“I’m carrying two babies. Cold stopped applying to me sometime around August.”

His mouth curves faintly as he sits beside me, but he doesn’t push the conversation.

He waits.

Bane has always been better at that than anyone I know.

Eventually, I look down at my hands. “I was terrified today.”

His expression changes. “So was I.”

“I know.”

“I thought I hid it better.”

“You counted the minutes.”

He exhales and leans forward with his forearms on his thighs. “I counted everything.”

My fingers tighten around the edge of the blanket. “I keep thinking about how quickly my brain decided the worst was happening.”

Bane turns toward me. “Anyone would’ve been scared.”

“This feels bigger than today.” He waits again, giving me enough room to find the words without trying to supply them for me. “I’ve been expecting this life to go wrong since it started.”

His brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

I glance through the glass doors toward the living room, where Biddy is still trying to retrieve the stolen fabric from Sprout, Babs following with the toy basket.

“I keep looking for what comes next.” I glance through the glass again as Babs drops to her knees beside Sprout and tries to tempt him with whatever she’s pulled from her pocket. “We dealt with Spencer and the packages, and I kept thinking I’d feel different once all of that was behind us.”

Bane reaches across the space between our chairs and takes my hand. “But you don’t.”

“Today I was lying there with you beside me, knowing how good my life is, and all I could think was that maybe this was where I lost part of it.”