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“Hawking,” Rose answers the door, and her gaze swipes down my body. I can see the pain in them when she takes in the leather of my cut, and I know that me being in the MC worries her. You know, like father, like son. I immediately notice how different she looks from when I came to Los Angeles. Today her hair is done, her makeup is on, and her outfit is pressed and nicely put together. When she steps back, I let myself into her apartment and head towards the small living area.
“Hawk.”
My eyes snap towards the voice. “Martha? What are you doing here?” I look towards my mother, but she doesn’t make eye contact with me.
“There’s something that I needed to tell you, and your mother was so kind as to help me since it seems that you forgot how to be a gentleman and answer my calls and texts.”
When I left Los Angeles, I blocked Martha’s number and deleted Tessa’s. I had Tessa’s memorized, so that didn’t do any good, but I couldn’t keep her name on my phone, not when I knew I didn’t have a future with her.
“Is everything all right?” I drop down to the cushion next to her.
“No, everything isn’t all right.” She doesn’t need to say anything more. There’s only one reason why Martha is here.
“Tessa?” She doesn’t say a word, only nods. “I understand where you’re coming from, and as much as I hate to admit it, Tessa Reese is no longer my concern. She has people to help, one in particular.” I stand and start to pace.
“You mean Croy?” Martha asks.
As much as I don’t want to admit it, Croy was right that night I tried to see Tessa. Loving her isn’t going to be enough. I’m not ready to leave New Mexico and start a life somewhere other than the place I’ve always called home. The club is the only thing that’s keeping me there, and I know I should be able to walk away from it, but fuck. It’s my life. They’re my family.
“Hawking, please–”
I turn and look at my mother. “Is this why you called me? You made me drive ten hours because of Tessa? I can’t give her the help that she needs, Mom. We live two different lives in two different places. Neither of us is willing to give up the other so there isn’t more that I can do.”
“But you love her,” my mother pleads. “You’re the only one she needs.”
“Yes, I love her. I’ve always loved her. I told her as much just a few months ago, but it didn’t matter, and it doesn’t change the present. She can’t move back to New Mexico, she’s told me. I can’t expect her to live in a town where she was brutally raped. How can I expect her to be able to continue on with her life there when she can’t even go to the mall because she’ll only see man after man climbing on top of her? And Sam, I can’t allow him to be tainted by all the ugliness. He might not learn about it now, but he will hear about how he came to be, and I can’t have that. I was stupid to think that I could erase all the horrors of her past. There’s no way of that ever happening, and her living back where it all happened? She’ll never heal from it. But she has help. Croy can help her in ways that I never can.”
“She. Doesn’t. Need. Croy.” Martha stands and glares at me.
“She doesn’t need me!” I yell back. My chest heaves in anger. I’m pissed that I’m being dragged into this.
“Tell him, Martha,” my mom rasps through tears. When did she start crying? “He needs to know.”
I turn back towards Martha. The anger is gone from her face. Tears well in her eyes. “Tessa’s in the hospital.”
Hawk
I never understood the term autopilot until now.
I don’t remember Martha giving me directions as my ears rang of her news. I don’t recall strapping on my helmet or racing through traffic in the rain for that matter. I barely remember asking for the floor Tessa Reese was on. But I’m here now, at the nurse’s station, one step closer to where I need to be.
A blonde nurse wearing black scrubs with a polka dot ribbon pin sits behind the desk. She smiles at me while she’s chewing her gum. “May I help you?”
I glance down the hallway towards the patient’s rooms and wonder if Croy is in there with her. Who the hell is with Sam right now? “Yes, I’m looking for Tessa Reese’s room?”
Her lips form an ‘O’ shape. “Are you a friend of her boyfriend’s?”
“Who?”
“Her boyfriend, Croy? Man oh man, I’ve seen a lot of patients in my time, and I’ve never seen a man so devoted and torn up about his girlfriend. He told me a friend would be stopping by to keep her company while he ran home and checked on their son. He can’t stand the thought of Tessa lying in that room all alone. See, I told ya, totally devoted.” She slumps down in a chair, “Man, I wish I could find a man like that. And his muscles. Woozers–”
My jaw clenches. “The room, please?”
She looks at me and blinks. “Oh, sorry.” She gives me an apologetic smile. “405. It’s right down the hall.” She points towards the right, and I take off in that directions.
Croy’s her fucking boyfriend? Man, he wasn’t shittin’ me, was he? I wonder what changed after all this time? You’d think it would have happened sooner. Fuck it, maybe being with me gave her the courage to seek a relationship that was right there in front of her all along. Someone safe.
The door is open halfway, but the curtain is drawn around the bed. Memories flood my mind of the last time I saw her in a hospital bed. I step inside the room. I don’t have to see her to know she’s here. I can sense her. Taking a deep breath, I pull the curtain back slightly. The noise the curtain makes does nothing to wake her. My heart catches in my throat at the sight of her.
