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That’s my goal. Something sexy that a woman wants to wear even when there isn’t a guy around. Something that builds confidence—because as women we’re often forced to choose. We can feel good about ourselves or we can be comfortable.

How is that fair?

Not every woman has perky tits. I certainly didn’t. I hated my breasts. So much so that I bought new ones. What about women who can’t afford to?

Hard work, talent, and a touch of luck got me where I am, and I want to give back somehow. If I make money in the process, what’s wrong with that?

I’m still mulling it all over on a flight to L.A. when I get a text from Reid.

REID: Hey, I know you’re on a plane, but I just heard from Nolan. He wants to come to Atlanta for his Thanksgiving break. I’m okay with it but I’m gone until the Wednesday before, which means a good part of his care will fall to you. I told him if you were traveling, we wouldn’t be able to do it.

I sigh.

I love having Nolan around, but I’m busy.

When Reid is available, he can take him to hockey practice, to hang with the guys, things like that. When he’s with me, I have to find ways to entertain him. Generally, he’s a good kid and is certainly happy playing video games for a while or whatever. But he can’t do it twenty-four-seven.

MAYA: I really don’t know. I have a lot going on. Can we give him a final answer after my meetings in L.A.? Not tomorrow, but the day after?

REID: LOL You know how he gets. Mom and Dad are going on some cruise so his choices are come to us or go with them, and it’s not like a Disney cruise, where there will be things for him to do. It’s one of those hoity-toity ones Mom and Dad like.

I feel a surge of frustration. Why can’t our parents take our schedules into consideration? We never say no to helping with Nolan. We genuinely like and love him. But sometimes I’m just busy.

MAYA: I can’t say yes today, Reid. I just can’t.

There’s an unusually long silence. I see the three little dots appear, indicating that he’s typing, and then they disappear. They come back and disappear again. He’s trying to decide how to say whatever it is he’s trying to say without pissing me off.

MAYA: Oh, just type what’s on your mind already!

REID: You’re…testy. Is something going on with Cash?

MAYA: Why does me having a busy, complicated career automatically equate to fighting with my boyfriend?

REID: Because you have never, since Nolan was born, been unable to make a split-second decision.

MAYA: Because YOU always get the hockey excuse so I have no choice. My job is flexible so you take it for granted that I can make it work. This time, I may not. It’s that simple. My career is just as important as yours, Reid.

REID: Whoa, hey, where did that come from? Hockey isn’t an excuse! I can’t take him on the road. I feel like this is a conversation that needs to happen on the phone.

MAYA: Well, then you have two-and-a-half hours to wait for that. And nothing is changing. I can’t give you a definitive answer until either late tomorrow night or the next day.

REID: All right. I’ll tell Nolan. I’ll call you later.

MAYA: Okay.

I put my phone down and try to push away the wave of guilt.

I shouldn’t take my indecision and bad mood out on Nolan. He’s only fourteen. None of this is his fault. But Reid does tend to take advantage of me when it comes to his care. Not in the off-season. He’s one hundred percent involved when he’s not playing, and I truly don’t begrudge his busy schedule. I just wish he didn’t get defensive when I hint that I might not be able to say yes this time.

Sometimes I feel pulled in too many directions.

Reid and Nolan need me, in an ongoing capacity. They’re my family and I cherish that, but I do have a busy career that requires me to be not just engaged, but creative. But to them, it’s like, well, Maya works for herself so she has flexibility.

And I do.

Within reason.

It’s a creative line of work, which means sometimes I need time to ruminate. Sketch. Brainstorm. But there are limitations to how much time I can take to do that, as well as expectations.