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“No.” I sob. “You’re right. He was cold toward me. And I never knew why. I asked him a few times. He just said that it’s how he is. That everything was fine.” The tears really come out now. “I’m so stupid. Why did I believe him?”
“You’re not stupid. You’re loyal. You were married. You had a child together. Why wouldn’t you believe him?”
She grabs my shoulders and maneuvers me toward a chair.
“I’ll make some tea.”
A small laugh escapes me.
For Mom, tea can fix anything.
Bandit, my parent’s border collie puts his head on my lap. I absentmindedly pet him under his ear, just the way he likes it.
I finish crying while the kettle boils and Mom prepares two cups of Earl Grey.
She puts a steaming cup in front of me and sits.
“Listen. Your dad and I know that you’re going through a hard time right now. And we know that it will eventually pass. But if you need to… what I mean is we’d be very happy if… it’s just that, that studio apartment is no place for a kid to live, so if you want to come stay with us—until you get back on your feet—we’d be happy to have you.”
I wipe my tears and put my hand on hers. “Thanks.”
My heart fills with warmth at the thought of spending my days with my family. Of Chase always being surrounded by people who love him. Of Chase and I walking Bandit every day. Ethan doesn’t like dogs and never caved no matter how much we begged.
And yet. A part of me feels like going back to my parents’ house would be admitting failure. I know it wouldn’t be forever, but I feel this drive deep in my gut to show everyone that I can handle anything on my own.
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
My mom gives me a disappointed smile, like she knows my real answer is no.
“Well, at least you should come over once a week for lunch or dinner. With and without Chase.”
“That I can do.”
When we’re done cleaning up, and Dad and Chase come back, Dad looking a little tired, I offer for Chase and me to take Bandit for a walk while my parents take their usual afternoon nap.
We start by throwing Bandit sticks in the backyard, then adventure into the woods at the back of my parents’ house. It’s a clear day but a little windy. The trees are thick with leaves, and flowers are blooming. It’s a gorgeous time of year. And I try to take it all in and enjoy being outside and spending time with my son.
Chase loves Bandit and alternates between excitedly chasing after him and talking about baseball.
“Can I go to the game tomorrow?” Chase asks me, tentatively, like he’s scared of my answer.
“Of course!”
“I just thought since Dad is going to be there… and it’s my week to spend time with you…”
Chase and I have been to every game of the Dogwood Old Timers since he was born. Except for this past month. Twice he went with his dad when it was his week, and once I conveniently arranged a mother-child hike with kids from Chase’s school that day.
“We’ll go together,” I say, forcing a good-natured smile on my face. “I have to organize the postgame punch party.”
It’s a tradition in our league that the home team organizes a small gathering after the game with snacks and drinks for the players and families of both teams.
The agency is always in charge of it. I’ve gotten out of it this past month because Ethan didn’t really want me there, so he took it over. But now that I’m in charge of the agency, I’ll have to do it myself.
“Really?” Chase’s smile could power a light bulb.
I ruffle his hair. “Really.”
He runs off ahead, chasing Bandit.