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“It’s our chance to reverse the past. To make something good out of the crappy hand we were dealt.”

Amelia

Avery and I and a couple other moms take the area around the parking lot so we can keep an eye on the kids, and so I can greet any latecomers. We’re out of donuts, but we still have coffee and T-shirts.

We fill up more trash bags than I thought we’d need. People throw all kinds of things on the side of the road: cigarette butts, beer cans, soda bottles, plastic bags, wrappers. But it’s nothing compared to what some of the other groups find.

We have five large dumpsters set up in the center of the parking lot where all the groups dump the trash they find. One group pulls up with a broken couch that someone dumped in the woods.

Blake drives into the parking lot every hour to empty his truck. It’s dumb, but when he showed up with all the gardening tools, for a moment I thought he’d done it for me. I shouldn’t have been disappointed when he chose to team up with Ethan. I should have expected it. Obviously, he was just joking the other day. He won’t betray his friend for me.

Yet I can’t help but look every time he pulls into the lot any more than I can help the butterflies in my belly every time our eyes lock.

We finish before lunch, and Mayor Anderson is very pleased with the full bins. “It wasn’t a hundred people, but we did some good work.”

“It’s the tenacity of the volunteers that counts, not how many there are.” I pack up the last of the T-shirts and the empty coffee urn into my car.

“Well said,” she says, giving me a crooked smile that lets me know that she sees me buttering her up.

“Just so you know,” Avery tells me when we go to the playground to get the kids. “Ethan invited the whole gang to his house for a barbecue. But if you want to hang out, we can take the kids out for pizza.”

I can’t say that my heart doesn’t squeeze with grief. This is something we would have done together. I loved hosting barbecues for our friends. We have—he has—this huge terrace with a panoramic view of the mountains.

“Thanks, but it’s alright. My parents invited us for lunch. Have fun at the barbecue.”

I give her a quick hug because I don’t feel alright, then I call Chase, and the two of us go back to the apartment to shower before driving for an hour to my parent’s house in Oakridge.

Chase adores my parents, and they adore him. After lunch, Dad takes Chase into his study to play on his guitars. Madison gets her musical talent from him. Sadly, I got none whatsoever. And for now, Chase isn’t showing much affinity either. He much prefers playing baseball, but he likes spending time with my dad, so he humors him.

“How are you doing?” Mom asks as I help her clean up the dishes.

I let out a sigh so long it’s almost comical.

I tell her about trading the house and the business.

She shakes her head. “I knew something was off about Ethan.”

“You did not.”

“I never liked him.” She hands me a dirty plate and glares at me over the rim of her glasses.

“You loved him. You always hugged him when you saw him.”

“Well, of course. He was your husband. What kind of mother-in-law would I be if I didn’t do everything I could to make him feel comfortable. But something always bothered me.”

“What?” I ask, now genuinely curious.

“I don’t know. Something in the way he talked to you. Or even looked at you. It rubbed me the wrong way.”

“He wasn’t mean.”

We fought, but we both yelled. He never used cuss words with me or insulted me.

“No, not mean. Just more like the way you talk to a business associate, not the way you talk to the love of your life.”

I drop the plate I’m drying on the counter and turn away, covering my eyes with my hand to hide my tears.

“Oh honey.” My mom rubs my back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”