Page 11 of Key of Kink

“That’s not what I mean.” He cocked his head. “You’ve been steadier lately.”

Maya paused, her fork halfway to her mouth. “You haven’t disappeared on a Saturday night in weeks.”

I gave a half smile. “I’ve been busy.”

“With what?” Sam asked.

“Work. Thinking.” I said. After a pause, I bit the bullet. “That club I told you about? Obsidian? I went there the other day.”

Three pairs of eyes focused on me.

Then Sam grinned. “Ooh, I know someone who wouldn’t like that. Which means I approve one hundred percent.”

Maya leaned back in her chair. “Were you there to observe or participate?”

“Observe,” I replied. “Paperwork. Orientation. No scenes.”

Jess nodded. “And how did that feel?”

“Like I was finally in the right room.” I smiled. “Even without doing anything.”

Sam glanced at me. “That sounds promising.”

It was. For two months after Grant, I hadn’t touched kink at all. No scenes, no searching, just space.

Too much of it, some days, and of course, they’d noticed. Not because they pried, but because I’d gone quiet in a way that didn’t feel like me. I’d folded in on myself.

Maya finished her mouthful before speaking. “So this is different from before?”

“Yes.” Another smile. “Very.”

Jess swirled her wine. “Good.”

None of them elaborated, but then again, they didn’t need to.

Grant had never lived with us, but he’d been present anyway, in the way my phone never left my hand, in the way I’d travelled at his convenience.

He’d met me in Birmingham when he’d been visiting the city. He’d been confident, interesting. He’d talked about London as though it was a prize.

Come stay with me.

Come see how it’s really done.

Moving here had felt like a choice at the time. It was only later that I’d realised how narrow that choice had been.

“You haven’t mentioned him in a while.” Sam’s voice was gentle.

“I know.” That had been a deliberate decision.

“And that’s good,” Maya added, just as gently.

We ate for a bit, the conversation drifting to safer things, Sam’s supervisor, Jess’s dissertation, Maya’s ongoing war with public health funding.

Then Jess said in a casual tone, “Are you wanting to play again?”

I considered the question. They all watched me without pressure.

“Yes,” I said at last. “But I’m not rushing.”