Page 113 of A Tragic Melody

Him not being beside me as I enjoy the benefits of my power is rough. Knowing he is stuck in prison eats away at me. He is just as much a part of the downfall as me, and while many call him my knight, he’s still suffering.

It takes about a week and a half for the dust to settle. The new figurehead who has taken over is a woman named Helen Polka.

I don’t know how she managed to come out on top, but I’ll take a woman over one of the men that were fighting for the seat any day.

She found other women who came forward. It seems I wasn’t Hendricks’s only victim, nor was he the only asshole on the label.

I shouldn’t be surprised. I had been paraded around plenty of his friends to know they were pigs.

Helen made it her mission to make sure I knew I was safe after she took over. She promised me safety and a healthy career, all I had to do was agree to go to rehab and therapy.

It was an easy agreement for me to make. I would lose nothing. Nothing but Wyatt.

When I agreed to rehab and therapy, Helen offered to pay for it, but I didn’t allow her. She made sure I got some of the money Hendricks was taking from me back in my account, and made sure I’d be getting paid correctly from here on out, so I wanted to pay for it myself.

I need to. If I pay for it, it’s like it’s an investment. An investment in myself.

One I hope pays off.

Rehab was rough. Detoxing isn’t fun. I was absolutely miserable the first week, but once I got through that, it didn’t get any easier, just wasn’t as physically painful.

After, I had to dig deep into the root of all my problems. Face all the horrible things that happened to me, all the horrible things I did, saw, lived through. I’m still not done processing all that, but therapy is helping.

I have a good therapist. She listens and asks questions. Forces me to open up, to face my trauma head on.

There are things I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from, but she is teaching me how to carry those things without letting them destroy me. Some things I’ll never be able to come back from.

Wyatt is one of those things.

Forgiving him wasn’t something I thought I had to do. He didn’t hurt me like the others. He set me free. Saved me.

It was in a roundabout way, sure, but he had been trying to save me from the first day we met, and I was just too stubborn to see it or accept it.

When my therapist asked me if I forgave him, it felt like such a stupid question. The guy went to prison for me, of course I forgave him, but I couldn’t let him off the hook that easy.

He did hurt me, too. He didn’t mean to, didn’t want to, but our backs were up against the wall. When all was said and done, he tried to make up for it.

Once I realized what I was forgiving him for, it was easy enough to do. But I doubt he’ll ever be able to accept my forgiveness, let alone forgive himself.

It’s been a few months, and he still won’t take my calls. It hurts, but I’m starting to get used to the pain that comes with healing.

Part of me wonders if it’s because he can’t forgive me for everything I did. The truth is, I’m not even sure where I’d begin when it came to asking him for my forgiveness. I barely know where to start forgiving myself for what I did to me.

That’s the hardest part, and it’s always going to be hard, but at least I have music to fall back on.

Now that I have more control of my music career, it’s actually become fun again. No longer is my happy place going to be tainted. Even if one day I fall from favor, I can at least know I had it for a moment. That I lived my dream.

Helen gives me a few months off. Actually, she insisted on a few months off. She offered me as long as I needed, but what I need is to dive back into music. I need something to occupy my time in between AA meetings and therapy. Something to keep me entertained. So I quickly began begging her to let me start on a new record.

She agrees, but I know she is worried how I’ll handle stepping back into the spotlight. While everyone still sings my praises, being fully back in the scene is a lot of pressure.

I have to find a new backing band, though. Quinn will obviously stay, but I ditch Kellen and David. They weren’t loyal when the fire was raging. They quickly ditched me and got as far away from the blowout as possible. I shouldn’t blame them. No one could’ve thought I’d come out on top over Hendricks, but now that I am, I’m not letting them sit beside me.

Helen insists on helping with the screening of new band members. She will let me pick out who I want, but only from her selections. I don’t blame her for wanting to be careful who she puts beside me. I may not be as big as Abbey Dark right now, but there is a lot riding on me staying sober and looking healthy out there.

Can’t be the savior and fall apart, so I get it. She wants me surrounded by good people. People she trusts.

She couldn’t cut all the bad out of the label, or it would be a skeleton. It’s not lost on me that a few people hate what I did. They glare at me when I’m in the office or studio. They glare at Helen, too, but there is little they can do to hurt us. Now we both just have to wear and use our power wisely.