Page 80 of Hate It with You

“You want in on this?” Leo calls from inside the ring. Alex turns to look behind him, the smile I’ve come to love taking over his face.

I wave my hand, relaxing into the bench. “I’m content enjoying the show.” Alex’s smile widens at my words.

He begins removing his gloves as he says something to Leo that I can’t make out. Leo nods as they both exit the ring, Alex hopping down before me, our eyes locked on each other, unable to break the connection. Leo’s phone rings in the distance, though I don’t bother to look in its direction, my eyes still glued on Alex.

“Alright, I have to take off, you two…” Leo’s voice trails off as a chuckle takes over.

“We’re good, man. I’ll see you later,” Alex says to Leo, though he hasn’t taken his eyes off me.

Grabbing his things from beside the ring, Leo makes his way out the front door. I peel my eyes away from Alex as I stand from the bench, looking around the dimly lit gym. He must have the lights turned down tonight, creating a dark mood that I find comforting. Alex looks perfectly at home in a place like this.

“I was thinking we could start training again.” My voice is uneasy, betraying the confidence I have in my decision.

His eyes squint, asking, “Are you ready for that?”

Nodding, I point at the ring. “Maybe you can show me a few moves in there? I think I’m ready to move on from the mat, given recent events.” I chuckle, though the sound comes out pained.

Alex pauses for a long moment, eventually sighing before he moves toward the wall where he keeps the gloves. Picking up a pair, he walks back, handing them to me along with my hand wraps.

“Here, put these on, and I’ll meet you in there. Let me close up first.” When he pushes past me, I climb into the ring. I watch him as I idly put the wraps and gloves on my hands. He says something to Jake, prompting him to pack up his belongings. Alex waves at him as he exits into the parking lot.

Once Alex locks the front doors behind him, he turns to me, my arms resting on the ropes of the ring. “Alright, it’s just the two of us now. Are you sure you’re ready?” His question comes out as a playful challenge.

I knock the boxing gloves together in my hands. “Absolutely.” I smile at him. His laugh sends a wave of hope through me. A wave of hope that things will eventually get better, that I’ll never have to go through such an immeasurable amount of pain again. Though a tiny voice inside my head is still telling me I’m dumb for ever thinking such a thing.

I’m hoping to drown that out with training tonight.

When Alex hops in the ring, he grabs the mitts Leo was holding moments before. Holding them up, he walks me through basic motions and gives me a combo to start with.

“Ready?” he asks.

I nod once. “Don’t go easy on me, Kane.”

His lips turn up into a half-cocked grin. “Never.” He holds the mitts up and calls out the first punch, my core tightening and body shifting as I land my glove on the mitt.

He continues calling punches, as I forcefully hit the pads on his hands after each call. My heart rate increases with each punch, a small grunt escaping my lips. The force feels good behind the weight of my body.

“Good,” Alex encourages as he slaps his mitts together. “Harder.”

So I hit harder, staying light on my toes as I land my glove to the mitt again. Right fist colliding with Alex’s right hand, then my left colliding with Alex’s left. Over and over again, I hit as hard as I can as visions of my childhood flash before my eyes as they start to blur.

Benny breaking a lamp and the resulting bruise on my upper arm.

The time Frank began to yell at Benny, and I stood in his way, taking the beating instead.

My mother not believing me when I tried to tell her when I was fourteen, only stating that Frank was a better man than my father supposedly ever was.

Something wet hits my cheeks as my breathing becomes more erratic, my hits not slowing down but my force weakening from my lack of endurance.

“Hey,” Alex says softly as he drops his mitts, but I keep punching, unable to see clearly through tears fogging my vision and memories clouding my judgment. Alex takes a step back, but it isn’t far enough. Driving force through my right shoulder down to my wrist, I hit him square in the chest. My brain lags on registering that he’s dropped his hands and taken off his mitts before I have a chance to stop my punch.

Alex lets out a small grunt at the collision, and I drop my hands at the sound.

Blinking away the tears, I throw off my gloves, grabbing onto his shoulders to take a closer look at the spot on his chest. “Fuck, Alex. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

His hands wrap around my waist as he dips slightly to meet me at eye level. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m alright.” He punctuates his sentence with a smile that has me pulling away from him in relief.

“Fuck.” I turn away from him, taking a few steps in an effort to catch my breath and stop the tears.