Page 35 of Hate It with You

As water flows down my throat, it prompts movement in my limbs, allowing me to take the bottle from Alex’s hands and hold it on my own. My irregular breathing returns to normal as my mind is brought back to reality, focusing on the man who stands in front of me.

“Where did you go?” Alex’s voice is soft, his eyes scanning my face, gleaming with worry as he looks for a way to read my mind.

Fear threatens to plague my very being at the thought of Alex learning of my past. At the thought of him breaking through my walls.

“I have to go.” I pick my sweatshirt and keys off the ground, making my way out of the front door of the gym before Alex has a chance to respond. My feet move quickly, knowing it wouldn’t take him much to convince me to stay.

Still a few hours until opening for the day, I rush up to my apartment to shower, tearing off my clothes to wash the events of the day down the drain.

As I stand underneath the showerhead, I can’t discern the difference between the water stream and my tears.

15

BETH

Rain pours down around me, hitting my windshield in a symphony of plinks, as I turn off the ignition. Having spent the day touring local bookstores in an effort to do some market research on why mine is so epically failing, I’m left with more questions than answers. Not to mention the exhaustion that has rooted itself deep within my soul.

Grabbing my phone from the passenger seat, I respond to Sienna’s texts.

SIENNA

Sorry we didn’t find much today.

Your bookstore will be booming with people in no time, trust me!

BETH

I hope so.

SIENNA

I know so. Just give it time.

I’m happy Sienna was able to tag along today, finally getting a day off from her busy schedule at her new job. Supposedly Graham, her boss, is “one of the most inspirational designers she’s ever had the pleasure of meeting.” I think he’s just an asshole who overworks my type A best friend because she cannot say no when her career is on the line.

Then again, I could just be upset over how little I’ve seen her lately.

Having just dropped Sienna off, I’ve been out long enough for the sun to set, the only light in the parking lot emitting from the single streetlamp and the two soft glowing orbs in front of my bookshop.

Resting my head on the steering wheel, I take a moment to breathe while listening to the harsh sounds of the rain. If I’m not able to turn this business around by the end of the year, I’m not sure I can stay here. Though, given my circumstances, that might be a good thing.

Looking for comfort, and unable to help myself, I focus on my phone again. This time, pulling up the one text message string I haven’t been able to stop reading on repeat for the last week.

Asshole

Are you doing okay?

How about another training session?

I hope I didn’t cross a line.

Worried about you.

I’m here if you need me.

The first message came the night of my first and last self-defense lesson. I’m far too embarrassed to go back. It’s a skill I know I need to learn, and I certainly felt powerful at the beginning, but I never expected it to be so triggering. The flashbacks of my childhood aren't something I’m sure I want to experience again.

Not to mention, the softness in Alex’s voice as he spoke to me in contrast with his rigid muscles is something that I can’t seem to erase from my mind. His soft-spoken side was the last thing I expected. It only confirms that certainly no good could come from Alex and me being in close proximity right now.