Page 22 of Midnight Ink

That station is the only thing keeping his memory alive.

“He’d be pissed I hired Julian.”

His eyes widen. “He would’ve fucking loved Julian.”

Not if he knew how I feel about him.

“Ian,” Jamie continues. “He would be so fucking proud of you. You never wanted to do this shit, you just wanted to tattoo. He knew that. He would want you to get help. He would want you to hire new people. You never expected to do any of this alone.”

“And because you couldn’t watch your sister for ten fucking minutes, now I have to.” Jamie’s face pales and my guts twist as what I just said registers. Holy shit. What the fuck is wrong with me? “Jamie, wait, no. Wait. I didn’t⁠—”

He ignores me, going over to the wall and taking his supplies, cleaning up. I don’t know what to say. I’m stuck. Heat burns my eyes. Holy shit, I can’t believe I said that.

My mouth opens but no sound comes out.

Finally he walks back to me, and I watch the way his eyes glaze over, and it’s definitely not from the weed. Fuck.

“I know you didn’t mean that, but it was real shitty of you to say.” He swallows hard and I have to look away. My brain screams at me to apologize. “I think I’m going to cancel our next tattoo session. I need some space.” He looks back at the wall. “I’ll finish that for him, though. Don’t worry.”

“Jamie, wait⁠—”

He stops then and slowly turns to look at me. “If you think every day of my life I don’t regret leaving that party, you don’t know me at all. I play the what-if game every waking fucking minute, Ian. I just thought you understood that.”

“Wait.” Like Julian, he slams the door on his way out.

I collapse at Anna’s desk and press my palms into my eyes. My lip wobbles as I breathe through my nose. It’s like this heavy weight sits on top of my chest. I get up and look over the shop.

I remember the day Maddox told me he’d bought this place. I nearly fucking killed him. He was so impulsive. Once he had his mind set on something, that was it.

I walk to my station and open up the bottle of whiskey I have there for emergencies. I don’t even bother with a glass before I take a healthy swig, then I drop down into my chair and swivel, looking at Maddox’s station.

“I hate you.”

I know it’s a lie. I hate how physical this feels. I hate that after seven years I’m still in so much pain. I knew I was going to miss him forever. I’d just hoped that the grief would get easier.

I think I start to cry. I know I start to scream. Drinking and drowning. The world swims before I realize I’m halfway through the bottle. Everything has this soft loose edge that makes me smile. My head tips back as I spin in my chair, watching the ceiling spin like a wind turbine.

I feel free.

I swallow and glare back at Maddox’s station. I’ve always wanted a memorial piece for him by his station. I knew Jamie was the one to do it. I wanted to pay him but we worked out the deal with the tattoo.

I just fucked up one of my longest friendships.

I take another swig and wipe the back of my mouth.

On shaky legs I move to Maddox’s station. I look at his things. He hadn’t had a chance to put some packages away, they’re still stacked by his station. Unopened. I have no idea what they even are. He always had his sketchbook on the desk. It’s still there with his planner full of appointments he never got to fulfill. He was working on a tattoo for someone before. They were going to be his first tattoo in this shop.

I had to call her the week after he died.

On the mirror, photos of us are tucked into the frame. One of Anna and him when they were teenagers—she looks almost unrecognizable now. There’s one of Jamie and Luci, and him at some bonfire.

I take another drink and look at the one of my wrist. The infinity symbol.

He took it right after he gave me that tattoo. My first tattoo.

He told me he gave it to me to remember him by. I asked him why he thought I’d want to remember him.

He said, “If I have my way, you’ll never forget me.”