Page 21 of Midnight Ink

“Jules—”

“When you talk now it’s like you’re fucking hollow, man. You’re exhausted and just existing. You need a break.”

“I don’t need a break. I need to catch up.” Why can’t he understand that. It’s only for a little bit. Eventually we’ll make a dent. If I don’t get these tattoos done, clients will leave and go elsewhere. Then no one will come in because we’ll be behind. Then no one will show up at all.

I’m not going to fail him.

“We’re losing clients because we can’t get to them fast enough. Our waitlist is years out, and that’s if they want to wait.”

“What’s the issue? Just hire someone.” Jamie looks between us then it clicks. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Julian’s eyes flick to mine.

Now I’m getting pissed. None of them fucking get it. Neither of them have a right to speak on it. “I don’t have the money to get brand new stations right now.” We have one seat available and I keep that open for apprentices who come and go. I’ve already pushed it with Julian being here, but what was I going to do.

Maddox wanted us to own this. That’s it. Just him and me.

How can I hire someone new and have them take his station? That’s not—I can’t do that.

“I can’t do that. That’s his station.”

Julian sighs. “Ian⁠—”

“No.” I don’t have the money to set up a new station and Maddox would’ve been pissed. This was his dream. That is his station. “I’ll figure something else out.”

“You’re not replacing his memory if you let someone sit there. You could even sit⁠—”

“No.” I glare at Jamie. I can’t use his station. How could I even tattoo in it? I can barely stand to be over there at all. It feels like sickness. I’m sick. I’m sick with grief. I miss him so fucking much and I hate this. I fucking hate this. What did I do to deserve this? What did Maddox do?

I wish it were me.

He had so much life to live. He was the most alive person I’ve ever met. He was brilliant and funny and so fucking obnoxious in the best way possible. I miss him. I miss him so much it’s fucking slowly rotting me from the inside out.

“I’m sorry, but this is the only logical solution. We don’t even have an apprentice right now. We need help.” Julian’s voice softens, but I’m so pissed I can’t see past it.

“What fucking part of no isn’t clear?” I breathe through my nose and try to quiet the storm inside me. “Everything will be fine.”

“Stop saying you’re fine!” Julian shouts. “You’re fucking drowning. We have back-to-back appointments. No rest for you. No off days. It’s nonstop, it’s not healthy. Some days you stay until ten and get back here first thing in the morning. We’re artists. This is supposed to be fun! This is a cool fucking job, and you’re turning it into this corporate grind, man. I’m tired. You’re tired. We need help.”

I’ve never seen Julian this upset in the seven years I’ve known him. I don’t think he’s ever even raised his voice except to laugh. I feel frozen. Ashamed and hurt. “What I need is for everyone to mind their business. That’s what I need. This is my shop, and if I don’t want to open my fucking doors to a new artist, I don’t fucking have to.”

“Maddox wouldn’t have⁠—”

“You didn’t fucking know him!” I scream.

My chest rattles with my breath. I try to calm down, breathe, take a step back. I blink the warmth out of my eyes, then shame hits me seeing the hurt in Julian’s. I feel like shit. “Fine.” He throws his arms up. “Fuck me, then, I guess.”

“Jules—” He’s out the door, slamming it with a rattle. I rub my eyes and try to calm down. I need a drink. Even as pissed as I am I want to follow Julian.

Something shuffles behind me. Right. Jamie. He walks over to me, and the pitying look on his face pisses me off. “What’s going on with you, man?”

“Julian just doesn’t get it.”

“Actually, I think you don’t get it. You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself. He may not have known Maddox, but I did. He’d hate this.” My stomach flips with his words.

“He didn’t want anyone else here. He said no one else. Just us running this shop.”

“That was when he thought no one would come to the shop. When he was thinking about this, he didn’t know how busy it’d get.” His eyes go to Madd’s station. Everything is the exact same way it was. Everything exactly how he had it. Seven years later and nothing has moved. The only thing that comes and goes is his bracelet I wear when I go visit him on the eighth.