Page 103 of Sand in My Boots

Yeah, I don’t think so. It’s the reason we didn’t tell him. I knew eventually I’d have to come clean. But back then, it would have gone down differently. I can’t be certain how it would have come about, but somewhere down the road, he would have found out. I never gave it much thought, but if I had, it wouldn’t have been like this. With him walking away from me. With him having such strong emotions about my decision.

Okay, that part might be a lie. The guy’s easygoing as heck, but he’s always been sensitive about money. He can’t help it—it’s how he was raised.

A thought occurs to me. Does he think I did it to show I’m better than him? That I could afford it when he couldn’t?

Swiping my fingers across my cheek, I jolt out of the chair, racing to my room. He sits on my bed, his head in his hands.

“I didn’t do it because you couldn’t,” I blurt gracelessly.

His head picks up. “What?”

My steps into the room are tentative.

“I didn’t do it because you couldn’t. To prove I could. To show off I had this money and you didn’t.” I’m not sure I’m making any sense, especially because he continues to wear a mask of confusion. “It wasn’t like that.”

His chest expands and deflates. “I didn’t think you did. But it doesn’t change the fact you could. To give up so much money for me. What if you need it down the road?”

I shrug. “I’ll work a little longer to make up for it.”

He huffs. “That’s not a solution. Not a viable one anyway.”

“Not your call.” It’s a little harsher than I intend, but I don’t take it back.

His fingers run through his hair, leaving it messier than it was. At my sides, mine itch to do it, too. To feel the strands pass over my skin. I cross my arms over my chest so they don’t think they can actually do it.

“This goodbye was supposed to be easier. Less unknown about where we go from here. How are we here again? In a more complicated place?” The statements tumble out without conscious thought. But again, everything I’ve said is true. I knew today wouldn’t be “easy,” but with this recent development, with things up in the air between us, it may be worse than saying goodbye to him at Whispering Tide.

“Easy things never last.”

I don’t want to admit he’s right, but damn, he’s right. I also don’t want to do hard with him. Not because we can’t and won’t survive, but because I don’t want to lose him. But maybe that’s why things should be hard. If things stay the same and we go “easy,” this could all end. On the other hand, we could put all this energy into making a go of a relationship, only for it to still end.

I see you crossroads, and I don’t like you.

Shaking all the emotions off for the time being, I ask, “What time do we need to leave?”

“How long does it take to get to the airport? I need to be there by two.”

A quick calculation in my head has me saying, “Be ready by like one. We’ll make a stop at A Latte Perks.”

A hint of a smile crests his lips. Man, do I want to kiss those lips, let them take away the pain of everything. Even if temporarily.

One more time . . .

I don’t allow my thoughts to drift down that path. I’ll give him the time and space he needs to work this through, do the “hard,” and we’ll go from there.

Someone who’s only been in your heart for a month can’t have a permanent residence.

Right?

Not when he’s been there for years.

“I’ll be outside. Come find me when it’s time to go.”

Not even his “Jude” stops the motion of my feet.

A little while later, Cameron joins me on the back deck. He doesn’t sit in the empty chair beside me but stands with his back to me by the railing. His somber mood gives nothing away, but even if he got in my face and shouted at me about how he was feeling, I wouldn’t be able to read it.

“It may take a few years, but I can pay you back the money. I have some savings, but with Whispering Tide doing as well as it is, I can get it faster. I can have some as early as next week if you want.”