Page 101 of Not Just for Christmas

‘Coming.’ I made up the other bottle and handed it to him.

Sam giggled as one calf tried to muscle in on the other’s bottle. Time was slipping away, my son was getting bigger, growing up. I was going to have to buy him a new coat before long; his wrists were poking out of the sleeves of this one, and his face was losing its baby roundness, his chin already more pointed, like Jack’s had been. My lovely Jack.

The pain of grief was beginning to lessen, I realised. The numbness I’d felt for so long had lifted and I was coming alive again, ready to live, to create, to take control of our future. Dylan had been a big part of that, bringing love and laughter to Merrydown. I couldn’t wait to hear his voice again.

‘Finished!’ Sam handed me the two empty bottles. ‘Going in to watch TV.’

‘Wash your hands!’ I reminded him as he ran off.

The wind was biting at my cheeks. I lowered myself down onto a bale of straw to shelter out of the worst of the draught, scrolled to find his number on my phone and stared at it, heart thumping like the clappers.

I tapped Dylan’s number and held my breath while it rang. Twice, three times, at four rings I almost cut the call and then …

‘Hey!’ His low familiar voice sent ripples of warmth through me.

‘Am I interrupting anything?’ I asked, suddenly shy.

‘Not at all,’ he assured me. ‘I’m glad you called.’

‘So, Superhero of the Sea,’ I said, unable to keep the smile from my face. ‘Nice touch.’

Dylan paused. ‘Did you like it?’

I swallowed hard. ‘It’s perfect. Personal to us and yet private. Even Heather approves. So thank you, from all of us.’

‘Thank God.’ The relief in his voice was palpable.

‘You should have seen Sam’s face. He was so excited,’ I told him. ‘I wish you’d been there.’

‘Me too. I should have been by your side, and I’m sorry I let you down today. Rachel was furious with me when she found out. It’s the last time I’ll ever put work first, I promise. I miss Sam.’ He took a beat. ‘And you.’

‘We miss you too.’ I bit my lip, heart pumping as I finally got around to why I was calling. ‘Dylan, I’m sorry for the things I said. I haven’t stopped thinking about everything that happened last night.’

‘I’m sorry too. I hated seeing you so upset,’ said Dylan gently. ‘I hated being the cause of it.’

‘I shouldn’t have freaked out like that, especially when, um …’ The words were sticking in my throat, but I did my best to get them out. ‘When I was the one to kiss you first. But as soon as I did it, I was scared.’

‘Do you want to know the truth?’ he laughed softly, ‘I was scared too. I am scared. Terrified that we might have damaged our friendship.’

‘We can’t let that happen,’ I said, emotion making my voice thicken. ‘You’re too precious to me and Sam. Whatever happens, wherever you are, I want you to know, you’ll always be welcome at Merrydown.’

‘Thank heavens for that. You ain’t getting rid of me that easily,’ he said with an exaggerated drawl.

Except that I was. It was all I could do not to tell him the truth, that I was devastated that he’d be spending most of next year on the other side of the world. But what was the point? What was done, was done. I’d told him I didn’t want him here and he’d taken me at my word and accepted the Star Quality job.

‘Good,’ I said instead, forcing a smile into my voice. ‘I’ve been thinking, about the farm and—’

‘Sorry … didn’t catch … in … taxi …’ The reception had gone patchy and I only caught every other word.

Dylan swore under his breath. ‘I’ve lost her … Lucy? … bad signal … I …’

‘I’m still here!’ I tried raising my voice. ‘Those ideas we talked about for the farm—’

‘I’ve got … I need to talk to you about—’ he said at the same time.

‘Shall I call you back?’ I shouted.

‘… until late,’ he shouted back.