Page 100 of Not Just for Christmas

Tears pricked at my eyes. I needed to talk to him as soon as possible and thank him for this, and hope that I hadn’t damaged our relationship irreparably.

‘Lucy, isn’t it?’ said a voice, as someone touched my shoulder.

I blinked myself back to the present to find Jane beside me. ‘It is, how did you know?’

‘I’ve been fully briefed,’ she said, taking in my look of surprise. ‘And I know it’s your husband’s anniversary. I imagine it’s a bittersweet day, seeing a new lifeboat being launched to save lives when the RNLI was unable to save Jack’s.’

‘I’m pleased for the community, of course.’ My throat felt thick and the words stuck in my throat.

I looked down to the water’s edge at Sam throwing handfuls of sand into the sea, Heather nearby reminding him not to get his shoes wet.

‘That’s your son by the water, isn’t it?’ she asked, following my gaze.

I nodded. ‘He loves the sea, just like his dad. But I can’t relax while he’s down there.’

‘I got involved with the RNLI after my brother died in a boating accident. He’d been twenty-four and on holiday in Greece with friends.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘that’s very young.’

She smiled wistfully. ‘He was training to be a surgeon. He would have saved lives. Losing him felt so unfair. I was scared that something bad might happen to me too, so although I was a keen sailor, I kept away.’

I swallowed. ‘I feel the same. Scared to death for my little boy.’

‘Perfectly natural.’ She patted my hand. ‘And then I heard about Sir William Hillary, who years ago, had the idea of positioning people around the coast to save others who got into trouble while at sea. It was a wake-up call for me. My brother wouldn’t get the chance to fulfil his ambition and save lives, but I still could. And also, he would have hated that because of him I’d lost my love of the sea. By the end of that summer I was a volunteer crew member. That was thirty years ago and never has a day gone by when I’ve regretted that decision.’

‘You’re a braver woman than I,’ I told her.

‘Hardly. You’d never catch me with my hand up a cow’s backside.’

‘I’ll never live that down.’ I rolled my eyes.

Jane laughed. ‘Sorry, couldn’t resist – Malc told me. The point is I can’t bring back my loved one, but I can try to make every day safer for the people who like me, and like him, love the water.’

‘Are you trying to recruit me to be lifeboat crew?’ I gave a shaky laugh. ‘Because not in a million years.’

‘No.’ She shook her head kindly. ‘I’m trying to remind you that the best way to honour Jack is to live a life as full and rich and happy as possible, just as he would want you to.’

‘I hear you,’ I said. ‘And I’m going to try.’

She was right. Everyone was right. I’d been living a life I’d felt obliged to live, compromising my own happiness, denying myself the chance to follow my heart.

It was time to make some changes.

Chapter 42

‘Here you go, you know the drill,’ I said, handing Sam a bottle of milk. ‘Keep it upright.’

‘Mum.’ My child huffed indignantly. ‘I’m seven, not six. I know how to do it.’

It was late afternoon and already dark by the time we’d arrived home after the party at the lifeboat station, and got changed into our outdoor stuff.

The tiny black-and-white twin calves had progressed to bottled milk and both of them were butting up against each other to get to Sam first.

‘All right, greedy guts,’ he said, ‘one at a time.’

I watched him for a moment, but my head was elsewhere. First, Heather’s revelation that she was in support of me making changes to the farm, and then Jane’s pep talk about living a full and happy life. And finally, Dylan’s wonderfully generous donation to the RNLI. I had a lot to think about, but my priority, as soon as I had a moment to myself, was to call Dylan, to let him know how much his gesture meant to Heather and me.

‘Mum?’ Sam called, jolting me from my thoughts. ‘The other twin wants her milk now.’