Page 103 of Somewhere Only We Know

Don’t overthink, Maggie, write …

to love my life

to love other people

to be loved

I stared at what I had written. Goose pimples tickled my arms and tears pricked at my eyes as the message I’d written to myself stared back at me. I’d been starved of love, I knew I had; but in return I hadn’t given love to others either and I needed to change that.

I thought of Tiff. Now there was a woman who loved her life. She’d walked away from the things that didn’t make her happy and replaced them with things that did. That was oversimplifying, of course, and her new life had come with a price.

But you’ve already paid your price, said a small voice.

I put down my pen, blinked away my tears before they had a chance to fall, and let out a long breath.

‘Oh honey, that’s a big sigh,’ said a chirpy voice.

I swivelled round to see a woman with bright inquisitive eyes looking at me.

‘Sorry,’ I replied, feeling embarrassed at being caught at such a melancholy moment. ‘I didn’t mean to be so loud. I’ve got a lot on my mind.’

‘Not at all.’ She held her hands up, sending many bangles jingling down her arms. She nodded to my open notebook. ‘You’re journaling, which is very sensible if you’re feeling a bit muddled. I’ll leave you in peace.’

‘Thank you.’ I returned her smile. ‘I think better when I have a pen in my hand.’

‘Although, I have to say, I am a very good listener. So …’

She left her sentence hanging and I bit back a smile. She had no intention of leaving me in peace at all.

‘I’m not really someone to unburden themselves to a stranger,’ I replied. ‘But thanks for the offer.’

She got up from her own table and joined me at mine, her bird-printed kaftan wafting as she moved.

‘I’m Lisa,’ she said, offering me her hand. ‘And you are?’

‘Maggie.’ I put my hand in hers and instead of shaking it, she squeezed it softly before turning it over and studying my palm.

‘Hmm,’ she said thoughtfully.

‘What is it?’ I retracted my hand.

‘Not entirely sure.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I’m still learning. Anyway, now we’re not strangers anymore, so I’m all ears.’

I puffed out my cheeks. ‘Where to begin?’

She glanced at the words on my page. ‘Maggie, honey, if you don’t mind me stating the obvious, whatever the question, it looks as if love is the answer.’

I closed the book, feeling self-conscious.

‘Whoops, sorry. I didn’t mean to look.’ She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. ‘Actually that’s not true. I’m incredibly nosy.’

‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘I left the UK to go travelling, thinking it would solve all my problems. But all that’s happened is that the problems tagged along for the ride and now I’ve lost my map and I’m at a crossroads and don’t know which way to turn for the best. I could do the easy thing and go home, but if I did, I’d probably regret it later. On top of that I think my job is being phased out and I’m being shunted sideways instead of upwards.’

Lisa blinked. ‘You are in a pickle.’

‘That’s not all.’ I hesitated. ‘I’ve said a terrible thing to my mum.’ Despite our turbulent history, tears sprang to my eyes.

‘Oh, my love. Okay.’ Lisa sat up taller. ‘I know what you need.’