Page 78 of A Merry Little Christmas

It was pitch-black outside and everyone’s breath was visible in the cold night air. There was a covered walkway from the chapel to a clearing where floral tributes had been arranged for everyone to admire and read the messages, and Cole and Will left Merry and Emily at the head of the walkway, to receive words of condolence from people.

‘No word from Nell?’ Emily whispered, pulling up Merry’s collar and checking her scarf was blocking out draughts. ‘Sorry, I can’t help fussing over you.’

‘I’m fine, honestly. Nothing from Nell.’ Merry’s stomach flipped at the mention of her best friend’s name; she thought briefly of the buzz of her phone earlier. Could that have been her? Even if it was, it was a bit late now. Nell had chosen not to attend the funeral. It was her biggest sadness, to have fallen out with Nell so irretrievably that such an old friend felt she couldn’t be here for her on the most difficult of days. ‘She hasn’t even acknowledged Dad’s death.’

Emily frowned. ‘And she definitely knows?’

‘I’ve sent multiple messages, and Olek knows.’ A flicker of doubt passed through Merry’s head. If Olek had left her, there was a chance that he hadn’t told her. She brushed away the thought. Even if that was the case, Merry had told her everything in her voice note. Besides, Olek wouldn’t have left her for very long; those two were like swans: mates for life. They might have had a temporary blip, but they’d be back together by now.

Emily’s mum, Tina, and stepfather, Ian, were among the first to give them both hugs, although Ian didn’t linger once he’d done his duty.

‘It was a super tribute to him.’ Tina had always had a soft spot for her ex.

‘Emily did most of it,’ Merry told her.

‘Ian hasn’t got much to say,’ Tina whispered, once he was out of earshot. ‘Never had much time for him when he was alive. Now he’s passed on, even less. But we know, don’t we, girls?’

‘We do,’ Merry agreed, as Emily nodded and blew her nose.

‘He was one of a kind, but the Ray I knew was long gone,’ said Tina. ‘Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease, takes you from those you love piece by piece. And from yourself. We used to dance, him and me. Cheek to cheek, and he’d sing in my ear, all soft and quiet. I could forgive him anything when we danced together like that.’

Emily’s eyes grew misty with tears. ‘I remember. I used to love watching you dance.’

A fleeting image popped into Merry’s head. Her own mum and Ray dancing around their flat, sometimes lifting her up to join in. Mum’s girlish giggle, the contagious feeling of euphoria Merry had caught from her mother when Ray was around. He had been a special man, who had brought happiness to the people he loved.

‘He and I had our differences,’ Tina continued. ‘But we had good times too. Plenty of them. Cling on to the nice memories, girls, and your father will always be with you. In your hearts. And he’ll have loved getting to know you,’ she added to Merry. Which was very charitable of her, considering it wasn’t totally clear whether he’d been in love with Sam and Tina simultaneously.

Merry and Emily hugged her once again and she moved off to find Ian. Next in line were Fred and Astrid.

‘Mein Liebling.’ Astrid kissed both of her cheeks. ‘I know today is hard for you. But your father was loved right until the end of his life. You gave him your time, you made him feel safe and part of your family.’

‘And that’s all anyone can ask of another,’ Fred added, pressing his cold cheek to Merry’s once Astrid had peeled herself away. ‘To feel important to someone else.’

‘Thank you.’ Merry looked from Astrid to Fred, feeling as if they were talking to each other and not to her and that this was part of a much wider conversation.

‘And you are important to me, mein Schatz,’ Astrid murmured, linking her arm through Fred’s as they walked towards the floral tributes.

‘And I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth, darling,’ he replied. ‘Even Germany.’

Merry frowned. If there hadn’t been someone else approaching them, she’d tap Astrid’s shoulder and ask for the context of this conversation, but as it was, Emily had already extended her hand.

‘Thanks so much for coming,’ her sister said, greeting an elderly man. He had a long whiskery beard and a silver hoop through his nose.

‘Sad business,’ said the man, shaking his head. ‘My condolences to the both of you.’

He moved to Merry, and grasped her hand between his.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘I’m afraid I didn’t meet many of Dad’s acquaintances.’

‘Dave Rutt,’ said the man. ‘Although when he knew me, most people knew me as Rutty. And I was in a rut, too. We both were. He and I met on the streets. We lost touch years ago. I’ve done all right since. Looks like he did too.’

‘We’re his daughters,’ said Emily. ‘Life wasn’t easy for him recently, but yes, I think he did OK.’

‘A couple of crackers,’ said Dave, with a wobble evident in his voice. ‘I bet he was very proud. Is your mum here? I’d love to know who he finally settled down with.’

Merry’s heart ached. She hoped that he’d been proud of her, but how much had he really taken in of her existence as his dementia took a greater and greater hold this year?

‘My mum is over there,’ Emily pointed out Tina to him.