Page 77 of A Merry Little Christmas

What funeral?

Merry’s dad. Isn’t it today?

Ray was dead?

No, no, no … Oh my God. Nell buried her head in her hands. Time seemed to stand still as she processed this information. Her heart beating so rapidly that she could feel the blood whooshing in her ears.

I didn’t even know Ray had died!

She typed the message and then deleted it, too ashamed to admit to her husband that something so awful had happened to her best friend and she hadn’t even known about it.

Poor Merry, she’d be devastated, and with the baby due any time too – and oh, the shop! How on earth would Merry be coping with everything? She’d had so much on her plate and Nell had deserted her over some silly row and was lying in bed wallowing in self-pity.

Nell thought about the unopened messages from Merry on her phone and felt sick with guilt. How could she ever make up for being such a terrible person? Merry would never want anything to do with her again and Nell couldn’t blame her one bit.

Chapter 31

Merry

Before Merry knew it, Ray’s funeral at Wetherley crematorium was upon them. The week since her dad had died had passed by in a blur of tears and tiredness, appointments and arrangements. Merry was vaguely aware of a muted vibration in her handbag, signalling an incoming message. She ignored it, hoping that nobody else had heard it. She should have turned her phone off completely, but her number was the contact for deliveries to the shop and it was inexorably easier to accept the call than sort out a redelivery at a later date.

‘And now we say our final goodbyes to Ray as we listen to one of his favourite pieces of music.’ Barbara, the celebrant, bowed in respect in the direction of the coffin, stepped down from the podium and off to the side of the chapel.

From the speakers came the sound of Frank Sinatra singing ‘Fly Me To The Moon’ and Cole tightened his arm around Merry’s waist. Silently, the curtains glided on their rails across the front of the room, until her father’s coffin was no longer visible.

Goodbye, Dad. May you play among the stars.

She let out a long shuddering breath. It felt as if she’d been holding that breath ever since she’d climbed out of the funeral limousine an hour ago. Beside her, Emily was crying softly, her hand tightly in Will’s. Merry allowed her head to rest against Cole’s shoulder. She was so grateful for his presence, as steadfast and strong as ever. She couldn’t have wished for a more supportive partner since Ray had passed away. Cole had been her rock and although it was against her nature to lean on anyone, she’d found herself doing it easily recently.

‘OK?’ he murmured softly against her ear.

She nodded. ‘Thank you, darling.’

Merry didn’t know how Cole had managed it, but somehow, he’d persuaded the crematorium to open later this evening to accommodate them to hold the funeral as soon as possible. The nearest other date had been the twenty-eighth of December which was already circled in red in the calendar as Merry’s induction date. She was still nervous about that, but at least she knew that she’d only have one major life event to deal with when the time came.

The chapel was by no means full, but seeing the crowd of people who’d come to pay their respects to Ray had filled her with joy. Emily’s mum, Tina, and her husband, Ian, were here, staff from Springwood House, Ray’s old landlady, plus one or two others neither she nor Emily recognised. But the largest contingent was her own family, or, rather, the family she’d married into almost a year ago. Freya was still a bit young, but Harley was here, Fred and Astrid, Hester and Paul newly returned from their holiday and, of course, Emily, now her next of kin.

She felt a wave of love for this tight-knit unit of hers, the unexpected family which she now couldn’t imagine ever being without. The circle of life, she mused, as the baby shifted position, nudging her bladder dangerously.

We are born, we live, we pass away.

She had lost her father too soon, but at least they’d had a year together.

There was one couple absent whom Merry missed terribly. Only a couple of weeks ago, the idea of Nell and Olek not being here would have been unthinkable.

The funeral director appeared at the front of the chapel. She was dressed in a top hat and dress coat and extended her gloved hand towards the exit, while another member of her team opened the double doors leading to the remembrance gardens.

‘That’s the hardest part done.’ Cole hugged her gently as they and the rest of the family led the congregation outside. ‘You were amazing. You’re always amazing, but today I’m especially proud of you.’

She nodded her acknowledgement, words strangled in her throat.

This was the first funeral she’d ever been to for a family member; she hadn’t gone to her mother’s for some reason. Maybe she hadn’t been asked, or perhaps she had, and had declined. Sometimes she was grateful for the way her brain had blocked out painful memories; at other times it frustrated her that some of the important details of her life with her mum were gone forever.

‘He’d have loved that,’ Emily turned around to whisper to her, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. ‘Dad liked a good singalong.’

Merry smiled at her younger sister. ‘You did really well,’ she managed to say.

Emily had helped Cole with the organising, consulting Merry only on minor details, and the service had been a true celebration of his life. Barbara, who’d officiated at her and Cole’s wedding last December, had read a touching and funny eulogy, recounting the scary moment when Ray had interrupted the ceremony to hand Merry a gift. It had added a personal touch and had given everyone a giggle in the process.