Page 17 of A Merry Little Christmas

Nell could hear both of their heartbeats, his slow and strong, hers racing as panic flooded her body. What could she say to that? ‘It all got a bit technical, and I was so distraught, it was difficult to take in. Something to do with my ovaries.’

Lying to him was even worse than she could have imagined, and with every sentence, she was stepping further and further away from the truth. This morning when she’d got up, she’d been sure that whatever happened at the clinic, they’d find a path through it together. Now she was going to be on her own. Had she made a mistake, was it too late to put it right? She felt awful, and so, so exhausted.

Olek held her while she cried. She thought he was crying too, but she couldn’t be sure.

‘I’m so sad,’ she whispered, once she’d finally found her voice again.

‘I’m sad too for you, for us. Darling, there are lots of ways to be a family, perhaps there are other options for us? We can explore every avenue, if that’s what you’d like; this doesn’t have to be the end. We’ll make another appointment to see the doctor.’

A hot flash of dread ran through her. He was right, there were alternatives to natural conception, but they couldn’t access those without him finding out the truth. It was going to be tricky enough keeping their medical reports from him.

‘Can we leave it for now,’ she said, thinking on her feet. ‘I think I need to process this first before we do anything else.’

‘Of course. Nothing matters more to me than making you happy. You already make my world complete, Nell. And you always will. I love you.’ He kissed her deeply and she tried to respond with the same passion, but it didn’t feel right, and she broke away from him. She had lied to her husband now; the die was cast and she couldn’t take it back. She had never felt so uncomfortable with her own actions in her life.

‘I’m glad,’ she replied. ‘And I love you too.’

But did her world feel complete in the same way? She couldn’t honestly say that it did. Not anymore.

Chapter 6

Merry

‘Your personal chauffeur has arrived, Madame,’ said Cole, pushing a wheelchair into the ward the following day.

‘I’m not getting in that,’ Merry exclaimed in horror. ‘I’m pregnant, not an invalid.’

He brought it to a halt beside her bed and gave her a kiss. ‘Humour me, ma cherie, it’s miles to the car. Also, it will be quicker this way. I’ve left the kids in the car, and I’ve got twenty minutes tops before war breaks out.’

This afternoon had dragged. She’d hoped to be out of here just after lunch, but they’d wanted to check her blood pressure and the baby’s heartbeat one last time before she was released. She’d finally called him to collect her at four o’clock; an hour had gone by since then. She’d been packed, dressed and lying on her bed desperate to leave for ages.

‘I can walk fast,’ Merry argued, which anyone with a brain cell could see was a lie. She’d waddled before her waters had broken; now she’d developed a habit of walking with her legs pinched together as if sheer willpower would keep the baby from making a bid for freedom. She’d never felt more ungainly in her life.

‘You are getting in that.’ Nurse Liz, who’d spent two days with Merry and knew that only a firm manner would do, took Merry’s arm and helped her into the chair. ‘We’d very much like you to leave the premises without further incident, if it’s all the same to you.’

‘Thank you, Liz,’ said Cole with obvious relief.

Merry had to bite her tongue to stop herself from getting snappy with him. She was fine! All this fuss was beginning to get on her nerves. OK, she did feel light-headed standing up after being in bed for so long, but all the more reason to get up and moving again. Still, she was on her way home and that was the main thing. At long last, life could start getting back to normal.

‘Thank you for looking after me.’ Merry was so delighted to be finally let out of the ward that she was tempted to give her nurse a hug. ‘See you on the twenty-eighth.’

‘Remember: essential jobs only,’ Liz wagged her finger, ‘or we’ll be seeing you a lot sooner than that.’

‘I’ll make sure she gets plenty of rest,’ Cole promised, wrangling Merry’s laptop bag off her.

‘I can manage that,’ Merry retorted. ‘It’s not even heavy.’

‘On second thoughts,’ Cole said with a wry smile, ‘can you keep her in for a bit longer please?’

‘Oi.’ Merry shoved her husband’s arm playfully. ‘Don’t give her any ideas.’

‘Good luck,’ said the nurse, to Cole. ‘You’re going to need it. And, Merry, just for the next few weeks, take every offer of help going. You’ve got a legitimate reason to be lazy and let everyone run around after you. Make the most of it.’

Merry forced a smile. No thank you. The thought of having to rely on other people to do things for her was not a happy one. Far quicker to do it herself. She’d be careful though; she wasn’t stupid. And she really didn’t want the baby to come any earlier than her induction date.

‘I must ring Springwood House and see how Dad is,’ she said with a pang of guilt once they were in the lift and on their way down to the ground floor of the hospital. ‘I’ve been so preoccupied with my waters breaking that I’ve completely neglected him.’

‘Ray’s no better, but he’s no worse either,’ Cole told her. ‘I called and checked.’