Page 149 of My Kind of Happy

‘I don’t mind. You can frighten me more often if you like. No, I don’t mean that. I don’t know what I mean,’ I pressed my hands to my face, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed. ‘Only that I have missed you so much since …’ I stopped. Since the day I fell in love with you.

‘Since I took you to Sheffield.’ Sam winced.

‘I took you actually,’ I pointed out.

‘I stand corrected.’ He laughed softly. ‘And I’ve missed you too.’

His words were like warm honey and I allowed them to sink in, I wanted to savour them.

‘Fearne, I’ve behaved really badly. I introduced you to Yasmin and Inca, knowing how important that meeting would be to you and since then I haven’t been there for you. I wanted to be but—’ he broke off, looking mired in guilt.

‘I didn’t mind you leaving to fetch the children,’ I said, meaning it. ‘I love you more for putting them first.’

His beautiful eyes widened. But I didn’t care that I’d said love because I meant it. The florist’s was closing soon, I’d be leaving Barnaby and if I didn’t tell him how I felt now, I might not get another chance.

‘But I can’t pretend I wasn’t hurt when you came to see me in the shop.’ I took a deep breath and held his gaze. ‘You slept with me and then told me you wanted to slow things down. It was such an about-turn.’

He squeezed his eyes shut briefly and then nodded. ‘I’m sorry, I got spooked. Because I realised that I loved you and I didn’t know how to handle it.’

My heart began to pound. ‘What did you just say?’

‘I love you.’ His face softened into a smile and he stepped closer.

‘You do?’ I blinked at him.

‘I do.’ His eyes burned with intensity. I wanted to believe him, but I also didn’t want to get hurt again.

‘We had one fantastic date, one wonderful night together and then nothing?’ I asked softly. ‘That’s not love.’

He ran a hand through his hair. ‘When I came into the shop with the kids to get flowers, as soon as I saw you my heart started thumping like a drum. I realised how quickly I was falling for you. Big time. And I was scared of those feelings. I hadn’t even extricated myself from a broken marriage and I was already falling in love with someone else. I panicked, that’s all.’

I nodded. ‘I know how you feel; I’m scared too.’

Sam took another step forward, until his fingers were in touching distance. ‘But it’s different for you. You make everyone happy. I’ve failed at my job, my family, my marriage. I didn’t want to fail with you.’

‘Oh, Sam.’ My heart melted with love for him. I took his hands and pressed them to my chest. ‘You haven’t failed. Not at anything. You’re a brilliant father. And although it’s over for you and Pandora, you managed to create two wonderful kids, so you can’t possibly call that a failure. And as for your job …’ I shrugged. ‘No one has to stay in the same job for life. Especially when they don’t have the heart for it any more. Look at me, I don’t seem to keep mine for more than five minutes.’

He nodded slowly. ‘Thank you. When you put it like that I’m quite a catch.’

‘Which is why I love you.’ I looked at him from beneath my lashes and my heart beat a little faster. ‘You may kiss me now.’

He didn’t need asking twice. He cupped my face in his hands and lowered his mouth to mine. His kiss had an intensity that took my breath away. I responded in kind, delighting in the sensation of his stubble against my face, his tongue against mine, his lips gentle then firmer, sending darts of longing down deep inside to my core.

I melted into his arms, my body, tired only a few moments ago, alive and responsive to his touch.

‘Sam.’ I pulled away, breathless and looked into his eyes, holding this wonderful man’s face in my hands. ‘Life is a risk, loving other people is a risk. But this, us, I think it’s a risk worth taking.’

‘You’re wonderful and wise and I can’t believe my luck.’

And then we kissed again and we didn’t stop kissing until we heard the rumble of a van pulling a trailer out of the garden and around the side of the building.

‘Isn’t that the hog-roast oven?’ I said alarmed.

‘Yep.’ Sam wrapped his arms around me and kissed the soft hollow by my collarbone. ‘The owner needs it back for tomorrow.’

‘So how did you get here?’

‘Motorbike,’ he grinned. ‘I won’t bother asking if you need a lift home.’

My insides fizzed with what I was about to suggest. I was going to do it. It was time to get back in the saddle, in more ways than one … I’d overcome hurdle after hurdle this year and there was just one thing left. I trusted this man and I loved him, so …

I challenged him with my eyes. ‘Have you got a spare helmet?’

He stared at me. ‘Sure. I brought Annabel’s with me.’

I grabbed his hand and began running across the grass, pulling him behind me. ‘Come on then. What are you waiting for?’

He caught hold of me and lifted me off the ground, whirling me around before lowering me to him and pressing another kiss, at once tender and fierce, to my lips.

‘You,’ he said, huskily. ‘I’ve been waiting for you. You make me the happiest man in the world.’

‘Just as well,’ I said, between kisses. ‘Because as far as my happy list goes, you’re my number one.’