Page 1

Chapter One

PRAYLAH

“I’m coming in late today, gotta grind so our lights won’t get cut off in the morning.” Jarei informed me smoothly.

I rolled my eyes and said nothing. I simply hung up in Jarei’s face. I made my baby girl some breakfast then put a towel down in the center of our queen-size bed so she could eat while I showered. Today I had to work a double shift, it was also Valentine’s Day so I knew the restaurant would be super busy. I just didn’t care to be all in the mix seeing happy couples smile at each other.

I was twenty-six years old with a one-year-old daughter. Besides my parents, I experienced true love with my baby girl. Once upon a time, I thought I had true love with Jarei but that had been proven time and time again that it wasn’t hitting on nothing. I often wondered what I was doing and my purpose in life. I worked as a waiter, dropped out of high school only to struggle. My parents kicked me out when I refused to live my life like a good ol’ Christian girl.

I was too busy infatuated with Jarei’s dog ass and loving him meant everything to me when I was seventeen. Jarei broke me down until I felt like I was nothing. If it wasn’t my weight, it was the ugly red and purple birthmark plastered on my face that he constantly despised and made me put on tons of makeup to cover. I had always been awkward looking, my parents always told me that I was unique and very beautiful.

My light apricot skin tone and Monolid eyes were often complimented. I had natural red kinky curly hair that I often gave up on and let it do its thing by being free into a big curly fro. I met Jarei walking home from school one day. I was thick back then, wearing a size fourteen. He treated me like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He didn’t have much money but had a car and would hustle hard. I grew up spoiled as the only child so I was used to having every and anything that I wanted.

When I decided to go against my parents’ wishes for Jarei, I pained my parents bad. My father was a preacher and couldn’t take the embarrassment nor the sin I was living in. My momma pleaded and begged him to forgive me and just work with me. Her argument was me dealing with the changes and hormones of becoming a woman. That wasn’t good enough for my dad, he put me out and I had no choice but to shack up with Jarei.

At the time his mom was a dope fiend who was never at home. Jarei was older than me. So, he became my boyfriend and acted as if he was my father bossing me around and being very controlling. Things took a turn when his mom overdosed and died. I started feeling sorry for him. My love turned into pity. He would have his moments where he would treat me nice, but on most days he was evil as hell.

If I didn’t do what he asked, he would get violent and very physical. Then he would do some physiological shit that always worked on me like Ike did Tina. He always would remind me that I was all that he had and I knew that was true. It’s why I stayed with him, I figured that one day he would get back to the old Jarei and really start loving me.

I really didn’t have any friends, besides my best friend Era and my other friend Ju’well. I had a couple of coworkers that I could text here and there. All I knew was my parents and Jarei, and of course I had my one-year-old as well.

I believed Jarei, when it came to all the negative things, he said to me. The more I looked at myself the more uncomfortable I had grown with myself. I was 5’6 now weighing three hundred pounds. My face was round and chubby, I now had a small double chin that I hated looking at.

I didn’t get to go around Jarei’s friends because he was ashamed of me. Every diet I tried to do, I failed at. I had a c-section with my baby girl and the extra weight just kept coming on top of my baby weight. I once loved my big birthmark, now I hated it and covered it every chance I got.

My stomach tightened from thinking of how Jarei would probably come in swinging since I hung up in his face. I didn’t believe shit he said anymore, and he probably used coming in late as an excuse to go be with his first baby momma. Speaking of first baby momma, I looked down at my phone and saw that it was her calling.

“Good morning, Nyla.” I didn’t like arguing or being confrontational with her. She hated me because even though she carried Jarei’s firstborn he still chose me but crept around with her. She didn’t understand why Jarei had chosen me and I didn’t either. Nyla was slim thick and beautiful, skin clear from any blemishes.

“Good morning baby momma number two. Happy love day.” Nyla loved reminding me how I was the main chick but still came in second when it came time to delivering Jarei’s baby. Jarei Jr was two years old and I loved him to pieces. His mom and dad were always busy, so he became a big responsibility of mine.

I broke up with Jarei and slept on my parents’ couch for about three weeks before my father was back down my throat, ready for me to repent to the Lord and get back in the church. I was broken hearted and missed Jarei. He wore me down good, hustling hard and buying me gifts, to get me back. Little did he know I had no choice. Soon as I came back home Nyla was there leaving Jr. on our doorstep. I got my ass beat that night because I wasn’t ready to step up and watch a baby that crushed me. A baby that didn’t belong to me. Jarei broke me down good and I watched him walk out the door leaving me with his son. He stayed out all night and came home saying he was sorry and how he was going to get the proper help he needed to help him control his anger.

Five in the morning he made love to me like he wasn’t disgusted by the rolls of fat that decorated my body. He kissed me from head to toe and I believed every word he said. That morning we created my baby girl and he was happy a month later when I told him I was pregnant. A light shined in him and he stopped putting hands on me only until after I gave birth. That’s when the demon in him came back out to play. He started trying his hardest to make my life a living hell. I was always apologizing and trying to strategize a way to make him happy. Hot and cold was the definition of Jarei. Even with my bipolar disorder, I fought tooth and nail to stay sane and make our home as happy as possible. Jarei was heavy in the streets but could never seem to get right at all.

If money was bad on his end, it was left to me to make sure he had some form of re up money. That’s why I worked so hard and sacrificed a lot like getting my nails and feet done. I would often try to look like something by pressing my own hair out but that was a hard task. All I cared about was making sure my baby girl had what she needed. I would die before I let my baby girl didn’t go without. I kept her with nice clean clothes on and her hair greased up and parted with big bows on the ends.

“Thanks, Ny. Same to you.” Then there was that uncomfortable silence. Until she smacked her lips and started demanding things from me like I was her baby’s father.

“Anyway Praylah. I need to drop Jr. off today. He will be spending the night with you. I got a Valentine’s date and I’m not missing it.” I sighed as I watched Heaven, my baby girl smile wide, and sing along with Cocomelon. She hadn’t touched her food yet but I knew soon as I stepped in the shower she would.

“Sorry, Nyla. I have to work a double. I’m paying my cousin to watch Heaven all day until night fall.” She smacked her lips; I would take Jr. too but I was already running low on money. My cousin Natasha was very demanding when it came to her money. She took good care of Heaven but it came with a fee. Also, because she knew of Jarei’s cheating on me with Nyla, it was very embarrassing, and I hated hearing Natasha go on and on about how much of a dumb bitch I was. Just to teach me a lesson, Natasha would charge me extra for Jr.

“Doesn’t matter Praylah! I’m pulling up already. My hair appointment is in the next thirty minutes. He will be at the front door in seconds.” She hung up before I could tell her no. This was Nyla’s normal behavior. There was no point in calling her back because she was probably rushing Jr. to my front door now with no baby bag. She played things how she saw fit. She knew that I wouldn’t just leave a two-year-old on my doorstep.

I grabbed two dry-off towels and wrapped them around me. I hurried and made my way through the house to reach the front door hoping Heaven didn’t get up and make a mess trying to follow me. Just as I thought, Jr. little cute self-stood at the door with his pacifier in his mouth. He smiled while managing to keep his pacifier still in place. His nose was running, and it instantly pissed me off that he didn’t have a damn jacket on. When he got sick then Heaven would catch a cold then next was me. Jarei wasn’t here long enough to catch wind of the cold so he always was the lucky one. I looked up and saw Nyla speeding off. Holding out my index finger, Jr. gripped it with his small hand as I helped him inside and led him to the bed with Heaven.

The two of them got along well and were very close. Anxiety began to hit me hard. I didn’t want to call Jarei. I was still mad at him. He hadn’t been home in two days claiming he was hustling. Today would have to be the day he came home and helped with these kids. I really didn’t have the money to pay out for both kids. I had work in the next two hours, so I had to move fast on getting Jarei to corporate with me and watch his kids. My mind went back to our conversation earlier. He didn’t even wish me a Happy Valentine’s. It was starting to feel like, I was more of his crutch than a girlfriend.

“Bitch, you hung up in my face earlier.” I could hear the anger in his voice. He had been waiting on me to call apparently because he picked up on the first ring.

“My phone died, Jarei, I’m sorry.” I talked above a whisper. I could never get used to him blatantly calling me out of my name. I never disrespected Jarei so I still couldn’t wrap my head around him disrespecting me.

“The fuck you want?” I could hear a couple of voices in his background and knew he was around his homies. Early in the morning, he acted like he couldn’t go a minute without being around a bunch of niggas. He was supposed to be hustling, making money but it always sounded like a small get-together in his background. He always came back home with a story about how the streets were moving slow and he didn’t have enough to carry at least half of the bills.

“Umm, Nyla just dropped Jr. off. I have a double to work and I can’t afford to pay for him as well.” I got straight to the point. I didn’t want to waste more time by explaining to Jarei how disrespectful his baby’s mother was. They both had a lack of consideration when it came to me and what all I had on my plate. I was drained but still found a little push somewhere deep inside of myself to keep going.

“You got to figure that shit out Pray, you already know the deal with me.” Before I could find the courage to tell him that it wasn’t fair, and this was not my kid technically, he hung up in my face. I stood in place with tears of frustration in my eyes. This just couldn’t be my life. I wish I had more courage, a stronger backbone to stand up for myself.