Page 39 of Golden Ruin

I hate that he has me thinking like this, hate that he has me considering that he might be right.

I shouldn’t have any feelings about Lexi moving on. Hell, I moved on. And she never did a thing to interfere. Now, here I am, about to lose my fucking mind because I saw a guy hugging her.

“We’ve been broken up for years.”

“And?” Ricky smirks. “Feelings are feelings. It’d be nice if we could turn that shit off and on, but it doesn’t work like that.”

I sit with what he said, questioning that pain that made me sick to my stomach last night, made it hard to fall asleep. I already know what to call it, but I’m not sure I’m ready to stop running from it.

It was jealousy.

Pure and undeniable.

I lean back, running a hand down my face. “Fuck.”

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Ricky says. “If it makes you feel any better, if I was in your shoes, and I had to watch Dez with some random motherfucker, I’d lose my shit, too.”

That actually doesn’t make me feel better.

Because I can’t afford to be thinking like this, feeling possessive over a woman who hasn’t been mine for years.

“Once you and Tiff work things out, and she makes it back home, I have a feeling things will feel less complicated.”

I don’t open my eyes to look at Dane when I speak and let him know his theory has one fatal flaw.

“We broke up. I ended it four nights ago.”

The room is dead silent, and I know what they’re all thinking, so I say it before they can ask.

“It didn’t have anything to do with Lexi. It was just… time. Beyond time.”

Still, no one speaks, and I feel like I’m losing myself, losing perspective as reality takes an entirely new shape in a matter of minutes.

Thanks, Ricky. Can always count on your ass to ask the hard questions.

“Damn,” he says, and I don’t blame him for not having a better response than that.

Damn just about sums it up. Not only am I living with these feelings, my engagement is over, and I’m stuck trying to figure out how not to ruin shit.

My temples throb.

Tonight can’t possibly get any worse.

As if waiting for that exact thought to pop into my head, my phone sounds off, and I hate that I know the sound of that notification.

Hate that Pandora has this uncanny way of making bad shit worse.

I open my phone, and as I scan tonight’s post, I sit forward. Turns out that feeling of deep-seated dread that crept in is one-hundred percent warranted.

In fact, I can sum up what I’m reading with three simple words.

“What the fuck?”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Lexi

I was in my head earlier tonight, but the second the doorbell rang, and my girls walked in carrying sparkling grape juice, fresh fruit, and sushi, I knew it would be a good night.