Page 38 of Golden Ruin

I stand straight after fucking up another shot, staring at the balls scattered across the table as I call it.

“Yeah, I’m done. I can’t shoot for shit tonight.”

“Tell me about it,” Ricky jabs, and I barely smile.

I cross the room to the couch, letting my head fall against the back as I stare at the ceiling.

Ricky eventually drops down beside me with a sigh. “What’s up? You know how we do. If there’s shit on your mind, this is the place to let it out.”

I cycle through it all, including the parts I haven’t even fully acknowledged.

Or maybe it’s more accurate to say the parts I haven’t fully accepted.

“I don’t even know where to start,” I sigh.

“From the beginning,” Ricky presses, and he has a way of pulling things out of me and my brothers that we’d otherwise hold in.

“Things have just been weird at the house,” I admit. “Then, on top of all that, Cliff just called with an offer for a program in Spain that I should be excited about, but…”

“But?” Ricky presses, but I’m not really sure how to elaborate in a way that makes sense.

“I’d be gone six weeks, which means everything would be on Lex while I’m away, and the whole point of bringing her to the house was to take shit off her plate while she heals. Just feels like bad timing. I already have to fly to L.A. for the commercial, now this.”

The guys are quiet, and so am I.

“Cliff pressing you for a response tonight?”

I shake my head at Ricky’s question. “No, but he’ll be on my ass for an answer soon.”

“We can work with soon, but for now, just give yourself a break. You’ve got a lot going on.”

More than he realizes.

As if he’s heard that thought, I feel his eyes on me again. “What else is up? You mentioned something about things at home.”

I don’t move a muscle. I just keep my eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Matt stopped by a few nights ago.” No one says a word, but they share a look. “Can’t put my finger on what it is, but I don’t like the guy.”

“Something happen?” West asks, and while I’d love to pretend I have good reason for feeling this way, I don’t.

“There’s just something about him. Even the way he walked into the hospital after the fire, like he’s more important than he is, like there’s already space carved out for him in my son’s life.”

A loaded silence stretches far too long.

“In Jax’s life… or Lexi’s?”

I shoot a look Dane’s way, and he puts his hands up in surrender. His go-to move when he knows he’s just put his fucking foot in his mouth.

“Seemed like a valid question,” he says, but then lets it go.

“Something about him grates on every fucking one of my nerves.” My jaw tenses just thinking about him–how comfortable he looked holding Jax, those fucking flowers.

“Don’t bite my head off, but I’m not sure Dane’s wrong.”

This time, my eyes are snapping toward Ricky.

“Listen, I know you and Tiff are a thing, getting married and all that good shit, but you and Lex had something deep, man. Add to it that you share a kid, and no one blames you for having a hard time seeing her move on. That’s all I’m saying,” he explains.