Page 74 of Mercy & Malice

“You’re allowed to not be okay.”

“I couldn’t even make it through a full day of classes, then I panic sitting in a booth. Just another normal day of being fine.” I clear my throat, trying to rid the tightness in my chest.

Ivy leans against the wall. “So you try again tomorrow. One day at a time until you adjust to your new normal.”

My sight fixates on the crumpled brown paper towel in my hands. “I don’t want this to be my new normal. I want to move past it.”

“Through it is the only way.” Her tone isn’t rude, or mean, or sad. It’s sincere and hopeful.

“My mom wants me to speak with a shrink. I’m worried they’ll commit me if I admit what’s in my head.”

Ivy pushes off the wall and turns a half smile to me. “No, that won’t happen.” She points to the leg that has only been out of the walking boot for a short time. “If they didn’t commit me for stepping in front of traffic, then they’ll hear you out without doing anything drastic. I’ve been seeing one since then.” She pauses before she continues, “Are you having thoughts about hurting yourself? I wasn’t really; I just wanted the noise to stop. And it seemed like the only option in the moment.”

Shaking my head, I whisper, “No. Has therapy helped?”

She bites the inside of her lip, thinking for a second before she says, “Hasn’t hurt. And I made Anthony a promise that I’d do it. So, I still go. I can give you her information.”

“That’d be good.” It feels like a choice rather than a requirement my mom has put in place. And maybe it will help.

Taking a few more minutes, we chat a little before going back out. I avoid looking at any of the guys but notice Cain has moved to a chair at the end of the table and Micah stands to let me in the booth. I almost ask to sit on the outside, but I didn’t feel trapped when he was beside me. The few seconds Cain blocked me, I felt like my throat was collapsing. It’s just another indication that Micah will be the only guy I can truly, wholly trust. He’ll get me out of hell or sit in it with me.

When I slide in, I relax a little more, my leg against his. Where Cain felt like a barrier, Micah feels like shelter.

He leans over, whispering to me, “Everything okay?”

My eyes meet his, searching for something I don’t understand. When did this boy steal my heart? And why am I certain that I’ll never get it back. “Yeah, it is.”

40

BROOKE

I managed to make it through a day of school, and my shift is almost over. It’s flown by since we’ve had a steady influx of customers from a nearby parade route. Which also means driving home is going to be a pain in the neck between road closures and traffic.

I take my time cleaning until Julian walks in. I’ve seen him a few times around school, but he hasn’t spoken to me since the night in the parking lot where Micah confronted him. And though Troy is seated at the table by the entrance, it’s the first time Micah isn’t around—which I find very coincidental that it’s also the first time Julian has approached me.

“How’s it going, Brooke?” He motions to Troy. “Still got a bodyguard in case the boogeyman comes back?”

“What do you want?”

He smirks, unable to conceal the pest he is, clearly here to stir up trouble. “Hm,” he scans the freezer. “I never got that cherry with nuts on top.”

I almost refuse to serve him but maybe if I don’t react or escalate, he’ll get bored. Doubt it. But I’m delusional enough to try. Quickly, I put a few scoops in a cup then dump some peanuts on it. After I place it on the counter, I move to the register and ring it up.

He grabs it, taking a bite as he moans. “Just as tasty as I’d imagined.”

Telling him his total again, he finally passes me some cash. “Keep the change. I know you could use it.”

I drop his change on the counter. “No thanks.”

Without waiting, I resume cleaning and ignoring him, but he lingers. “So, did you really get kidnapped or was it a cry for attention?”

“Leave. Now,” I tell him, to which he laughs loudly.

It doesn’t escape his attention that Troy stands, moving towards us, and I note that his demeanor shifts to less amused jerk once he’s beside Julian. “I’m just worried about you. I’d imagine being a trio’s puppet and surviving on crackers alone could really fuck with someone’s mind.” He dramatically licks his spoon as he adds, “If it actually happened.”

Troy shifts in front of Julian, blocking his view of me. “Time to go.”

Julian laughs but heads towards the door. “See you later, Brooke.”