Page 61 of The Doctors Will See You Now

“For the love of God, never call me that again.”

I just giggled in response and knocked on the exam room door. “All set?”

“Yes.”

I opened the door and found that Elise had managed to put on the paper gown but appeared intent on airing out her vagina while her feet were perched in the stirrups.

“Oh God,” Will muttered to himself as we both entered the room.

“Hi, Dr. Cummings,” Elise purred with a provocative smile. “I’m Elise,” she greeted with her hand held out in his direction. “Elise Allen.”

Will shook her hand while simultaneously avoiding the giant beaver in the room. “It’s, uh…it’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh, believe me,” the patient continued, “the pleasure is all mine.”

Boy, this chick was laying it on thick.

“Melody, could you place another gown over Mrs. Allen’s legs?” Will asked, and I nodded. You bet I can.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Elise started to chime in, but I ignored her, haphazardly tossing another paper gown over her legs. She flashed a glare in my direction, but I chose to ignore that, too.

“Dr. Cummings?” Elise questioned as Will sat down on his rolling stool and started to put on a pair of sterile gloves.

“Yes?”

“It’s Ms. Allen,” she corrected with a wink. “I’m newly divorced.”

Will just nodded in response and set his focus on setting up his sterile instruments. “So, we’re just here for your yearly pap smear, is that correct, Ms. Allen?”

“Please, call me Elise, and yes, just a yearly pap smear.”

“You’re just going to feel a little pressure as I insert the speculum,” he instructed and started the exam. “Now, I’m going to swab your cer—” He paused midsentence with a perplexing look etched on his face. Two seconds later, after grabbing for an instrument that looked a hell of a lot like oversized tweezers, Will pulled a small piece of laminated paper out of the patient’s vagina. He set it down on the metal table and just stared at it, his face equal parts shocked and horrified. He looked so cute, a little wrinkle between his eyes, but I’d never seen him make that face before.

Morbid curiosity got the best of me, and I moved toward his side to read the wording written across the laminated paper.

212-555-1111

<3 Elise Allen <3

A gasp left my lips before I could stop it, and Will looked in my direction.

Not only had the patient dressed up like a hooker and not worn underwear to her appointment, even flashed The Beave to him before the appointment had gotten started, she’d also come to the fucking appointment with her phone number inside of her vagina.

Inside of her vagina, people.

What in the ever-loving fuck was this?

And quite frankly, wouldn’t a piece of laminated paper inside your hoo-hah hurt?

Elise sat up on her elbows and smiled down at Will. “I’m a huge fan of your show, Dr. Cummings,” she purred, and I had the irrational urge to vomit. “I’d love for you to call me sometime.”

On top of the irrational urge to vomit, I felt like sprinting out of the exam room. I didn’t want to be anywhere near Elise, or Will for that matter, as jealously turned to alarm.

Was this the kind of shit I would be dealing with all the time?

I wasn’t sure if I could handle a relationship like this. Women weren’t just visibly flirting with him during appointments, now they were using their actual vaginas as wingmen to hand out their phone numbers.

What else was next?