Page 60 of The Doctors Will See You Now

When was the last time your brain had an intelligent thought?

“Like, a year ago, I think.”

I continued the assessment, asking questions and getting bitchy—but quite humorously perfect to my own imaginary line of questioning—responses, and checked her vitals before grabbing the chart and moving toward the door. “Are there any medical conditions Dr. Cummings should be aware of before the exam begins?”

“I have a very, very tight pussy,” she replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

It’d been a while since I’d been in nursing school, but I didn’t recall “a very, very tight pussy” being a diagnosis question on the NCLEX.

“All righty, then,” I responded, just stopping myself from losing my mind, and opened the door. “Go ahead and remove your clothes from the waist down and put on the paper gown. Once you’re comfortable and appropriately covered on the exam table, Dr. Cummings will be in to do your exam.”

“About fucking time,” she muttered and hopped off the table.

I shut the door behind me, and before I moved down the currently empty hall to get Will, I turned back toward the closed exam room and gave Elise the middle finger. I knew it wasn’t the most professional thing I’d ever done, but holy hell, that chick was a piece of work, and it wasn’t the good kind. If she were a painting in a museum, she definitely wouldn’t be a Monet. No. She’d be that weird piece of art like pictures of toenail clippings or a mummified dog sculpture made out of papier-mâché and cow manure that no one could ever wrap their brain around its actual meaning.

“She’s that fantastic, huh?” Will said quietly into my ear, and I jumped.

“Jesus,” I muttered with a hand to my chest. “You scared the hell out of me.”

He just smirked in response and rested his elbow against the doorway.

“How long have you been standing here?” I whispered, and his smirk grew wider.

“Long enough to see you flip off the door for a good ten seconds.”

“The hallway was empty ten seconds ago,” I said in annoyance and moved toward the small alcove beside the exam room to finish putting Elise’s assessment into her medical chart. “It’s like you appeared out of thin air.”

“It wasn’t empty,” he corrected and followed me, making himself comfortable in the chair beside mine. “You were just too intent on giving that patient the bird.”

“Yeah, well, she deserved it,” I added and typed her vitals into the computer.

“Excuse me,” Elise called out from behind the closed door. “Nurse Lyric? I’m ready for Dr. Cummings now.”

Nurse Lyric? Really?

At least it sounds better than Load-y…

Will groaned, and I grinned at his anguish. Somehow watching him suffer so adorably made me feel better.

“She seems real excited to see you.”

“Jesus,” he muttered.

“And she would also like you to know about her medical condition.”

“Medical condition?”

“Yeah,” I answered, swallowing my urge to smile. “When I asked her if she had any current medical conditions that you needed to be aware of, she said, and I’m repeating this word for word…I have a very, very tight pussy.”

His jaw dropped, and his eyes narrowed. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

“Nope,” I said with a little to pop to the p.

“And she’s a huge fan of your show,” I added. “She wanted you to know that as well.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

I smiled and hopped out of my seat with Elise’s chart in hand. “C’mon, Dr. Obscene. We’ve got a patient waiting on you.”