Page 41 of For the Ghastly and Beautiful

“You weren’t talking. I figured if I said something you didn’t understand, you might perk up.”

She puts her book on the nightstand and reaches over to grab a bowl filled with fruity candies.

“Want one?” she offers.

I shake my head, and Ada giggles.

“They aren’t poisoned. But I thought about it.”

“You’re so funny.”

She mockingly bows, rolling her hand as she dips her head. Then she pins me with the weight of her stare, all humor gone as I freeze in place.

“Either tell me why you’re here or go get some sleep,” she gently advises. “You look exhausted, Ecaeris.”

“I just realized why I walk away.”

I pace the length of the room. She watches me closely, her head tilted in consideration.

“It’s when you don’t get your way, isn’t it?”

I can’t exactly deny that, but, “It’s a habit that I started when my mother—”

“Turns the tables?” she guesses quickly. “I’ve noticed she does that, and not only to you.”

“I was going to say when she begins to manipulate me, but I think that works, too.”

“And you wanted to apologize because…?”

I sigh and turn to face her. “Because I expected you to be the same, to do the same. Even as I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve been waiting. And I’m sorry that I thought you were capable of that level of manipulation.”

“Oh, I can be,” she remarks. “But I think the why of it is the important part. I don’t seek the same gains as Isolde.”

“Explain,” I demand, and recognize yet another habit I’ll have to break with her.

She’s perfected the fuck off expression when it comes to me. I see it so often, though I don’t hate it. I like the abrasive, argumentative side of her, how she’s not afraid to threaten me. But I find myself enjoying her company now too. It’s soothing and rational and… enlightening.

Has she always been this way? Or has she been feeding off my attitude since she arrived?

I inhale the floral scent that surrounds her, allowing it to settle me as I try again. “Please, explain your motives to me.”

“Ecaeris…” Ada frowns before repeating, “You’re loyal and brave to a fault. Prove me wrong. Challenge my way of thinking.”

“That wasn’t—” I stop in the middle of my thought, the conversation from days ago echoing in my head. “What did you gain from me looking back?”

“This conversation.” She shrugs. “First, I was hoping you would start thinking about yourself more; what you want or don’t want, how to find some joy in the small things. It certainly helped you see the reason why you storm away so often.

“But the true gain was having you notice the error and either changing your ways or not expect the same level of care from me. You shouldn’t rightfully ask me to do something that you yourself won’t do. I wanted you to understand that.”

She huffs, patting the bed across from her so I’ll sit down. I’m not convinced that I should be so close to her. Pacing is keeping my thoughts clear of fog. She doesn’t continue speaking until I relent, yet she calls me stubborn.

“Ideally, you would work to correct it. But I would also be grateful for equal treatment; meaning if you walk off when you hear something you don’t like, then so can I.”

“You did that so you could walk away from me without me demanding that you talk things out?” I almost grin at the irony.

“No. Well, sort of,” she backtracks. “But I also did it to teach you a lesson. What angers you the most controls you. And you get angry with anything you can’t control. Me included.”

“I haven’t tried—”

Ada smiles when I catch myself. “Let go of the notion that you have control over everything, Ecaeris. You don’t, we don’t. Stop stressing out about things you can’t change. I know it’s difficult, but just let go. Focus on what you can change.”

“What would I do with all the free time on my hands?” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.

“For once in your life, do exactly what you want.”

That makes me chuckle. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

Ada sits up on her knees, eye level as she peeks at my darkest regrets.

“You are not so bound by duty that you must be miserable.”

Her words slice into me with the swiftness of a trained warrior wielding a freshly sharpened blade. They leave a wound so clean it’s slow to bleed, and you don’t notice the pain until after you see the damage.