Page 22 of Mommy

For another moment, Viv just watches me. She doesn’t blink, doesn’t move, but her eyes are glued to mine.

And then she gets up.

I make room for her, untangling myself so she has space.

Some of the puppies tumble as she frees herself of them to come all the way over and curl up against my stomach.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her closer to my chest.

She’s so warm against my chilled body. I lay my hands flat against her fur and feel her body heat seep into my cold bones.

With every breath I take, I inhale more of her and with every puppy that comes crawling over to join us a little bit of my pain leaves me. It drops off the mattress beneath us all and disappears into the concrete floor.

Burying my face in Viv’s fur, I allow myself a sob. Just one. Because that’s what I always was. Just. One. Not two. Just half.

I know that I should be happy for my mom. A good daughter would be grateful that medication is helping her mother. A good daughter wouldn’t run away when the home is warm and happy for once.

But I do.

Every time my mom takes her medication and slips into her perfect world, I try to slip away. I have to.

Because I’m just one person. And I can’t be the one she wants.

I wish I was. Just once, I want to be the one she wants. But I’m not.

I’m just me.

I can’t be someone else. Not even for her.

So I breathe in Viv’s scent, listening to her steady breaths and feeling her heart beat against mine.

The only place where I’m always enough is next to her. It’s the safest place on earth for my heart. Because she would never want me to be something else. Or someone else.

Chapter fourteen

Derek

I had to call in a favor from Ezekiel to find out what time Ivory’s shift at the shelter ends, but it was worth it. Seeing her soft blonde eyebrows rise when I wait around the corner as she exits the metal gate, draws a grin onto my lips.

Of course she can’t see that through the biker mask that still covers half my face.

All she can see is my face from the eyes up and the white skull face on black fabric that hides the bottom half.

There is still a small smile peeking through her eye roll.

“Looking for someone?” she asks once she gets closer.

I like how she naturally leans in for a hug as a way of greeting. Not sure if she does that with everyone or if she considers me a friend, but I definitely like it.

“A momma. Interested in filling the position?”

Even while I pull her in as close as I can and speak into her hair, I notice the tiny gasp she gasps.

Fucking cute.

“Haha,” she says, wiggling free of my embrace. “Very funny, Derek.”

I shrug.