Page 120 of Mommy

She must have taken down the picture this morning, because when I left last night it was still in place. And that means, she must have either spoken to Derek or gotten an E-mail from him today.

Anger is my fuel when I push open the office door without even knocking.

And I stop dead on the threshold.

He’s here.

I wish he wouldn’t look so good. I wish, for once in his life he’d look crumpled, but he doesn’t. His shirt looks clean where mine hasn’t seen the laundry since I left his house.

His hair is freshly washed and styled, only a stray strand falling into his forehead. The only difference I can spot between the Derek I got to know and this man is that the shadow of stubble on his chin and jaw turned into more than that.

I bet it’s still soft.

Next to him I feel like a racoon. I haven’t even bothered to comb through my hair with my fingers this morning and it’s come to bite me in the ass. I probably have a mob of knots on my head, leaving me looking like the neglected Komondor we had at the shelter months ago.

My heart still gives a little hobble upon seeing Derek, and I curse it for not recognizing this as what it is.

He has Posie on a leash, and I want to rip it out of his hands because how could he?! After all he promised me? How could he bring her here?

“Ivory—”

I interrupt Shelly, aiming all my anger at Derek.

There’s Posie’s picture. The one that should be hanging on the board in the front—it’s laying on the table between other papers, smiling up at Shelly.

“How could you?”

It’s one thing that he would do nothing but pretend with me, but to give up the dog he fostered? I would’ve thought he was better than that.

“Ivory, I⁠—”

I don’t let Derek finish either, my feet stumbling forward and my hands reaching out for Posie’s leash.

When he doesn’t let go despite my best efforts to pry it from his palms, the tears return.

Anger gave me the energy to hold it together for all of two minutes, and my time is running out. I can already feel the tears pressing hot against my eyelids.

“Give me the leash, Derek.” The words come out pressed, but at least my voice isn’t breaking. It’s shaky, but it’s there.

“Ivory, please, let me explain.”

“No!”

I don’t want to hear his explanation. I’m sure he has a good reason for leaving her here, but I don’t care what it is. There would be 100 good reasons for him to keep her, and if he chooses not to see any of them, I don’t care what his perspective is.

Plus, I don’t think I can listen to him explain very reasonably why this isn’t working. Everything he could say about Posie could just as well be said about me. About us.

And I’m not at a point yet, where I can hear Derek say that it just won’t work.

It doesn’t feel like I will ever reach a point like that. All I want is for things to not be broken anymore. I want to go home with him and have him coddle me. My heart is already cracking just looking at him, I can’t take his explanations and excuses.

Chapter sixty one

Derek

I was the first person at the shelter today. I even beat Shelly to the door.

The side eye I got for bringing Posie and Ezekiel with me would’ve hurt me if I hadn’t stopped caring about anything a week ago.