Page 100 of Mommy

The logical part of my brain tells me I’m being irrational, and that he wouldn’t have hurt me. He didn’t even yell because he was angry with me, he just yelled because he was angry at the situation. There’s no need for me to be scared, and I open my mouth to tell him.

“It’s not you, it’s just⁠—”

My childhood. My past.

Me.

None of it comes over my lips, but it fills my head just the same. It’s that part of me that still feels scared, and that expects something worse than yelling to happen.

I can feel him shake his head.

“No, Ivy. It’s not just that, I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I’m sorry.” Derek’s arms are still wrapped around me, holding me to his wide chest, and I let him. I lean into his touch and feel for his hands rubbing softly down my back.

“Okay.” I whisper back, and swallow the tears that are still stuck in my throat.

“I made dinner.” Derek says softly. The words catch in my unbound hair and his warm breath brushes over my scalp. “Are you hungry?”

Nodding, I let him lead me into the dining room. He pulls back the chair for me and disappears back into the kitchen. I can hear him mumble to himself while he puts the dogs in the crates and after a minute he returns with two plates.

“What is that?” The stuffiness in my nose hasn’t fully subsided yet, tinting my words in sadness I don’t feel anymore.

“Chicken Masala with broccoli and rice.”

The steam that billows above the food Derek places in front of me before taking a seat himself, smells of spices.

“Abigail came to see me today.” Derek says, his fork mushing through the food on his plate.

My stomach tightens at the thought of what I imagine as a better version of me being here in his house. At my home. When I don’t answer, Derek lets out a deep sigh.

“Ezekiel sent her to the police station because he thought she might know something about a breeding ring here in the city. Turns out, he was right, but she came with some demands.”

My heart is about to pull together into a tight ball, when my mind latches on to the word he used.

Breeding Ring.

“Does this ring include Posie?”

I don’t have to see Derek’s nod to know that it does.

“In a way, yes.” His eyes drift up from his plate and he actually looks at me when he continues speaking. “I need to call Ezekiel.”

Is he asking for my permission?

If yes, he can have it. I don’t mind his friend. Ez and I have always had a mutual understanding. He doesn’t ask about why I sometimes sleep at the shelter, and I don’t ask why he sometimes comes in late at night to drop off a dog in horrible condition splattered in blood.

“Go ahead.”

The phone rings a few times, and when Ezekiel picks up he sounds out of breath and honestly, a little annoyed.

“This better be important, fucker.”

“Tell Rosemary we’re sorry, but you can eat her out later. I need your brain on this.”

My breath sputters out of me at Ezekiel’s answering groan, the realization that we might have interrupted them during sex setting my face on fire.

“Alright, do I need to put boxers on for this?”

The heat in my face turns into an inferno, my lungs collapse, turning my chest into a caving house.