Page 44 of Full Body Hit, Part 1

His first and strongest instinct was to lie. It was good, he wanted to reply and move on from the subject.

His thumb hovered over the keyboard. The truth was, his skin was crawling. There was no reason for it—nothing had happened, but it was like there was something chasing him, slicing at his heels, making him want to run.

What would be the point of sharing that, though? There wasn’t anything anybody could do about it, so why complain?

His sister would tell him that he wasn’t complaining—he was sharing. She’d also say that keeping things inside made everything heavier. That it was making him into a grumpy, unpleasant person to be around.

That was not what Auston wanted to become.

He typed a response slowly. Maybe it’d be a little more painless without having to look a person in the eye while talking about his feelings. And Charlie was so open, so eager to please, that it cut through Auston’s defences.

Aunix

Didn’t have the best day to be honest

Charlie

What happened?

Aunix

Nothing really. Guess I’m just a grumpy mess because I’m going to have to retire at the end of this year. My job is really physically demanding but I fucking love it

And I don’t really know what I’m going to do without it. My body’s giving up on me but it’s all I’m good for

Auston cringed at the vulnerability, especially when there was no response for a good stretch of seconds.

Charlie

Well I know THAT’S not true

You’re a person outside of work no matter how much you love it

I’m sorry though

Change is hard

Aunix

Yeah

What else could Auston say? Yeah, change was hard. Yeah, he was technically a person outside of hockey.

It just didn’t feel that way.

Charlie didn’t say anything else, and Auston’s stomach curdled. He’d obviously shared too much. Made it awkward by ignoring what this was—a relationship of sweet nothings, not depressing truths.

He left the rest of his coffee, feeling too jittery for it suddenly, heart skipping all over the place.

It was hours later when another message came through from Charlie.

Charlie

I’ve been thinking about what you said before. Sorry I didn’t say much I just didn’t know what to say but I actually really get what you’re talking about.

You’re good at something and you’ve dedicated your life to it and its like how you view yourself now right? And I bet you’ve built something too. Like a legacy or something else, and its sad that you don’t get to live with that anymore, but even if you move out, its still there. That thing you built is still there. And you’ll always be part of that

So I’m really sorry that’s being taken away from you and that you’re going to have to figure out who you are again. But know that the person you are now isn’t just gone. Maybe you can’t use that part of yourself like you are now but everything you’ve done is still there and so are you