Page 74 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

We turned a corner where a massive tree which had limbs that brushed down to the dirt of the trail. The branches on it jerked and shook, and we slowed.

Meadow pulled at her lead, which was tangled in the branches. Val jumped off his horse, landing with a thump that stirred up dust on the path. “Epiphany,” he yelled, walking around Meadow and patting her side. He leaned his head back towards the cliff and screamed again, his voice trembling. “Epiphany!”

“Over here,” Theos called.

Valerian and I walked to where he crouched down beside two other guards, a scrap of pink silk in his hand. Theos looked up at us, his expression haunted. He lifted his fingers, and they glimmered crimson. “Blood,” he said.

“No.” I swept my face up to take in the world, as if Epiphany stood somewhere within reach and I could will her into appearing.

But I knew what we all were aware of.

Hera had Epiphany.

And she’d hurt her, at the very least.

My heart dropped into my stomach.

30

Apollo

The air warmed as we came down out of the mountains and into a valley gray and dull with the colors of late autumn sweeping into the grasses and painting the trees in the distance. A bird cried, a lonely, haunting sound that overcame the rhythmic clattering of the guard’s horses for a moment. I clenched my fists.

The entire day, I had replayed all that had happened.

But my mind kept sticking on Hyacinth.

On how he had looked at me.

As if he finally saw the truth of me.

I had ruined everything. Like I always did. If I had never defied Zeus, he wouldn’t have destroyed my mother’s village, threatened Temi, sent me to Hyacinth so I could ruin things here as well. Life suddenly felt hopeless and wrung out. I’d carry on with this mission—because Cyn had asked me to. I would keep my word to him even if he didn’t think I could do so.

Delon’s arm brushed mine as the chariot weaved over the uneven road. The warmth of his limbs against me burned like shame. Hyacinth had sent him with me to monitor me. He didn’t believe I meant things for his good; he didn’t trust that I would never betray him.

I sighed. I guess I had, in a way.

Godsdamnit. It was the fastest means to shut Zephyrus up, and Hyacinth had been panicking. He wanted him to stop.

Okay, publicly embarrassing Hyacinth in the process wasn’t really my intention.

But, Hades’ realm, I didn’t have time to think.

I just acted.

And now Cyn saw me unveiled. A selfish god who caused destruction of everything he touched. I was a fool to return with him at the end of the summer. As though I could actually help him, instead of just causing more trouble.

It was probably over between us.

Allowing that thought to form, to sit in my mind and take space, hurt. It would never be over for me. Even if he told me that he never wished to see me again. I’d honor his wishes. But I would love him for eternity. Until this world ceased to exist and—gods willing—took me with it.

I ruined everything.

And I was tired of that.

I wanted so desperately to matter, to do good, to love Hyacinth like no person had loved another.

Not just with words, but with my actions.