Page 36 of Offside

Had to be my phone messing up, or maybe I just needed to log out and log back in–there was no way Metal just un-added me. He wouldn’t do that–he was as deep in this as I was and was just telling me how much he missed me and that he couldn’t wait to be home for our date–no way.

My heart rate spiked, making the monitor next to me beep a little faster, which only made it beat faster–who’s fucking idea was that? I logged out and logged back in, turned my phone off and on, but nothing changed the screen.

Metal was just…gone.

No goodbye, no explanation–just gone.

I felt my heart break and drop to my stomach, forcing pressure behind my eyes and a burning in my throat that said I was going to cry whether I wanted to or not.

Why would he do that?

What had I said that was so wrong–I couldn’t even look and reread what I sent. Every picture, video, message–it was all gone, and he was gone, and I was alone again…

I was alone again.

Fuck–why was it so much worse now?

Being alone sucked, but it never hurt.

It never felt like the world was ending, and it never made a ringing noise that wouldn’t stop. It didn’t feel this cold, or loud, or empty before.

“Mr. Marks,” Tammy said in a hushed, concerned voice as she rushed back in. “Are you okay? I got notified your stats spiked–what’s wrong?”

What's wrong?

My fucking world was crumbling, Tammy–that’s what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” I managed, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “Just watched a video on my phone and it scared me–I’m fine.”

“You sure?” she asked, her kind eyes stuck on me.

“Positive–thank you.”

Kind eyes weren’t going to make me spill my guts to her.

And after Metal, kind words would never again.

Chapter 16

Sam

The regret was almost instant–as soon as I hit delete, I wanted to take it back.

It was panic.

Accepting that Knight was Landon was coming slowly, but surely, for me, but not for him. I couldn’t just lie and keep pretending I didn’t know, but I also couldn’t come out and tell him. He’d freak out and never feel safe again at work–I couldn’t do that to him.

Even if it meant crying alone in my room from feeling every second of my heart breaking.

I just needed to wipe Knight from my head–wipe Landon–but that would take time. I’d never really had my heart broken before, so I wasn’t really sure what to do about it, but staying in bed felt good.

Staying inside, not answering my phone, and eating in a huddled ball with movies on in the background felt safe.

Even if all I did was think about Knight–Landon–shit.

Had to get better about that.

All I wanted to do was talk to Landon…no, that felt wrong–I didn’t want that. I wanted to talk to Knight. I wanted to call him and make up some lie about how the app just glitched or something, but I was worried about him and maybe loved him, so–fuck.