Page 97 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“Of course not.”

He sat down near me, and for a moment I was afraid that he meant to ask me to repeat the whole conversation. I did not think I could bear to describe it again.

Instead, he said, “I am sorry James spoke to you so.”

“I do not suppose you are surprised.”

“No,” Richard admitted. “Though I had hoped he would have more consideration for you.”

“I do not think he has much consideration for anyone, does he?” I asked. “He was very displeased when you would not move to his house.”

“He was. He will have to remain displeased.” He smirked a little. “It is a constant state of being for him where I am concerned; he is quite used to it, I assure you.”

I could not help smiling in response to this jibe. I suspect James will have to get used to becoming displeased with me as well. He will certainly be horrified when he learns of my desire to sell Rosings.

Richard leaned forward, reaching to touch my hand lightly. “He has no authority to require a letter from you, Anne. You need not write one.”

“I did tell him that I wouldn’t.”

“Yes. Georgiana told us.”

There was something in his manner which made me feel a little less foolish about the whole affair. He appeared to think that I had done quite properly, even knowing how I had cried about it afterwards.

I asked whether he thought James would raise the subject again.

“I cannot promise that he will not,” Richard said. “But you need not sit and hear him out if he does. You may leave him to finish his lecture without you.”

I had not considered that I might simply go away. That felt rude, though I supposed James broaching a subject I had already indicated I did not wish to discuss was no less so.

Richard remained with me. Presently he asked about my book, and I was obliged to confess that I had read the same page several times without discovering very much of its contents.

He suggested that I begin again, and took up a book of his own.

I found it easier to attend to mine after that. Every now and then I looked up and saw him sitting comfortably beside the fire.

I was very glad that he had not gone to stay with James.

19 November

Today I told Mr Byerly quite plainly that I do not intend to live at Rosings. I had thought I had made this tolerably clear before, but apparently I had not.

He called this afternoon. Elizabeth sat with us, working upon a little garment which Jane had brought her, and for some time we spoke very pleasantly of a book he had been reading.

I was glad of it. I have missed being able to talk to him without wondering when Rosings will enter the conversation.

Unfortunately, within a half-hour, he returned to the subject. He had been told of another estate which might suit him, but there were objections to the house. He began comparing it with Rosings, and said that he doubted he should find anything with so fine a situation.

“I hope you will,” I said. “You must not allow Rosings to spoil every other house for you.”

“You cannot expect me to forget it easily,” he exclaimed.

“I do not expect you to forget it. But I should be sorry if you supposed that I wished to return there.”

His expression became more attentive. “I know that you have unhappy recollections of the place.”

“It is not only that,” I said. “I should prefer a smaller home, and I do not wish to undertake the life you describe. I do not intend to live at Rosings.”

There was a pause. Elizabeth continued with her sewing, though she could not have failed to hear.