Page 14 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

Yesterday Elizabeth gathered Georgiana, Kitty and me and gave us each work to do for Pemberley. Today we sat in her little sitting-room sewing clothes for the children at the orphanage school Darcy supports in Lambton.

Kitty sews faster than Georgiana or I, though we are supposed to be accomplished needlewomen. She told us she had always liked altering clothes, then showed us some sketches of gowns she had designed.

“I knew you could draw,” Elizabeth said, turning the pages, “but I did not know you designed gowns. Look at this one!” Kitty had drawn a dress in deep russet, with a skirt of gold tissue and embroidery to match.

“I imagined you in that,” Kitty said, and Lizzy at once threw her arms around her sister.

“May I send it to Madame Leclaire? She knows my measurements. Mrs Reynolds says there is a harvest fête for the workers in September, and a ball the following night. This would be perfect for it.”

“A masquerade ball,” Georgiana said slyly, and Lizzy laughed.

“Truly? How wonderful! Will you draw me a mask to match, Kitty?”

Kitty laid aside the boys’ trousers she was hemming and took a pencil from her bag. On a fresh page she drew a half-mask, then coloured it russet and gold to match the gown.

“Perfect,” Elizabeth said. The mask was made of autumn leaves. “Kitty, you must design for the rest of us too—and for Mary. We shall send the drawings to Madame Leclaire.”

Kitty smiled, flipping to another page. “I already have something in mind for Georgiana – she reminded me when we first met of a Roman goddess, all height and blonde curls...”

I thought of the Roman statues I had seen on a visit to London with Lady Catherine, and wondered what Darcy would say if Kitty had dressed Georgiana like one of those. But Kitty’s design was modest: white silk crossed the bodice and fell in a full skirt, with one shoulder bare. She drew a mask of white swan feathers to match. Georgiana laughed and said it was the most beautiful gown she had ever seen.

“Minerva,” Elizabeth decided. “Goddess of wisdom and the arts. You might carry a lyre from the music room. What have you drawn for Anne, Kitty?”

Kitty glanced at me. “Anne has the colouring for a queen of winter, though there is nothing cold about her.”

My heart sank. I thought it would be white, the colour in which I vanish most completely. Worse, white and I cannot spend an hour together without a stain. Kitty turned the page before I could object.

There was scarcely any white. The gown was pale blue, with tiny silver snowflakes across the skirt. Kitty drew a matching mask beside it. I could not speak at first.

“Kitty,” I said, “you ought to send some of these drawings to the fashion-plate printers in London. Lizzy and I would happily keep you to ourselves, but that would be selfish.”

Kitty hesitated, then laughed. “Very well. I shall send some to Aunt Gardiner and ask her to find someone who might publish them.”

We chose drawings for Mrs Gardiner and for Madame Leclaire. While Elizabeth prepared the packages, I confessed that my measurements had changed since my gowns were last made.

“You look much healthier now,” Elizabeth said.

“You do not think I am growing plump?” I asked, touching my waist.

“Not in the least. Your gowns ought to be altered to fit you, that is all. Kitty and I will take your measurements for Madame Leclaire. We should measure Georgiana again too; I believe she has grown since we arrived.”

Georgiana had been taller than some of the young men who spoke to her at the Thurstons’. I supposed she would one day find a husband as tall as Darcy or Richard.

And there I am, thinking of Richard again. Mary’s letters give me little of him; she speaks to him only occasionally.

13 May

Captain Spears has written to Darcy again, with worse news. Darcy tried to tell me only what he thought I could bear. I made him tell me the rest.

Richard has lost the last two fingers of his right hand. Infection set in despite Doctor Barnes’s care, and he had to amputate them. Richard is still feverish, and they fear for his life.

I went to my room and wept. Elizabeth, Kitty and Georgiana took turns sitting with me. They urged me to drink water and try to eat, but did not offer assurances they could not give. I could not swallow any food. By evening Elizabeth brought me some brandy, and at last I slept.

14 May

Kitty was asleep beside me when I woke, with dark shadows beneath her eyes. I dressed without disturbing her and went outside. I wanted air before anyone could ask how I was.

I can walk much further now than when I first came to Pemberley, but I still do not go out of sight of the house. Instead I challenged myself to walk all the way around the lake, and set off.