Page 51 of Highland Flame

“Then come closer, and I’ll warm ye.” He tried to put his arm around her, but her mind was confused. She didn’t know right now if she wanted him close to her or if she should push him away.

“Nay,” she said, deciding on the latter. Dropping her hold on his arm, she stepped away, looking around the courtyard. “I suppose it wouldna be guid if anyone saw us together. I dinna want my brathair to give a bad report about ye to yer lairds.”

“I guess ye’re right,” he answered with a frown. “But at least let me walk ye back up to yer room.”

“Nay.” She shook her head, wanting to get far away from him right now. If she didn’t, it would be too tempting to kiss him again, or to possibly do even more with him than just that. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yvaine, is somethin’ the matter? If so, ye can talk to me about it. Ye can tell me anythin’ at all. I’ve shared my secret with ye, and if anythin’ is on yer mind, ye can do the same with me. I mean, after all, we are lovers now.”

They may be lovers, but she couldn’t share her thoughts. She still had secrets she hadn’t shared with him, and was also feeling like she may have made a mistake by making love with Cam in the first place. She had only wanted the chance to feel elation – to experience what others did while coupling. Perhaps she’d been selfish. Yvaine longed to be happy. Cam made her feel that way, but now she felt guilty. She decided she didn’t deserve to be happy. Not after what she had done. Nay, she didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Cam at all.

“I dinna think we should have made love, and we’d better no’ do it again,” she blurted out, saying the words even though she wasn’t sure it was what she really felt in her heart.

“What?” He stepped out from the cloistered area into the moonlight. A soft glow bathed his handsome face. Her heart ached for him, but this was how it had to be. “I dinna understand, Yvaine. I thought ye wanted to make love with me.”

“I might have wanted it, but now I realize I was wrong.”

“How can ye say that when ye ken it isna the truth?”

“Are ye callin’ me a liar?” She asked the question, if only to keep him from saying more about the situation.

“Why dinna ye tell me the real reason why ye suddenly changed yer mind? After all, ye begged me to bed ye, so I dinna believe ye are regrettin’ it now.”

Feeling shaken, and not wanting to have to answer, Yvaine did the only thing she could to stop the conversation. She slapped him across the face. “Stop makin’ me sound like a whore, because I am no’ one of yer usual trollops,” she told him.

Cam’s hand went to his cheek and his gaze interlocked with hers. The hurt in his eyes almost made her cry.

“I’m sorry, Yvaine. The last thing I ever wanted was to make ye feel like a whore,” he said in a mere whisper.

Yvaine felt horrible now. “I ken,” she answered, already regretting the slap.

“I also find it odd that ye, a woman who has been abused by her late husband, would dare strike out at me with a slap. This is the second time ye’ve done so.”

He was right, and it shook her to the core. Was she no better than someone as horrible as Dun? “I – I’m sorry,” she apologized, her lip trembling as she held back her tears. Her action frightened her, and she started to wonder just what she’d become. “I didna mean to do that. Honest, I didna want to hurt ye.” She turned and ran back to her room, not stopping until she had closed the door behind her. With her head against the wood, she cried.

Cam had been nothing but nice to her, but she stuck out at him without giving him an explanation. What in the devil’s name was the matter with her? She wasn’t only a murderer now, but was turning into an abusive woman. How her life was taking a nasty turn.

Yvaine never meant to hurt Cam, but only wanted to stop him from finding out her secrets. Now, she could see how wrong she’d been. Had her heart really turned this cold, or was she only trying to douse the fires of passion within for this Highland warrior?

“Why are ye cryin’?” came Avianca’s small voice as she appeared next to Yvaine, reaching out and taking her by the hand. “Did somethin’ make ye sad?”

Yvaine dried her tears, taking the girl to her bosom in a hug. “I will be fine, Avianca,” she told her. “I just had a little spat with yer faither, but now I wish I hadna.”

“Please dinna fight with my da,” said the girl. “He loves ye.”

Yvaine’s heart about stopped beating when she heard the little girl’s words. She kneeled down next to her, looking her in the eyes. “Why would ye say such a thing?”

“I see the way he looks at ye. It is no’ the same way he used to look at my mathair.”

“Y-ye saw Cam with yer mathair?” Yvaine’s heart felt wounded. No child should have to witness something like that.

“I saw him once with my mathair, but he didna look at her the same way as he does ye.” Such wisdom from such a young child felt mystical, and yet frightening at the same time.

“What . . . what were they doin’? When ye saw them?” she asked, holding her breath as she waited for the answer. God, she hoped she wouldn’t have to explain coupling to the child. Not here, not now.

“My da was at the tavern where my mathair worked.”

“In her . . . bedroom?” Yvaine bit her bottom lip so hard she thought it would bleed.

“Nay,” answered Avianca, looking at her curiously. “What would he be doin’ in there?”

“Oh . . . I – I’m no’ sure,” she answered.

“They were in the kitchen. Cam was tryin’ to get some food. My mathair didna want to share it. He was no’ happy. No’ like he smiles when he is around ye.”

Yvaine laughed aloud, pulling the girl to her and kissing her atop the head. Thank the heavens, this wasn’t as bad as she thought.

“Well, men do like to eat, and I am sure Cam is no different,” she told the girl. Relief filled Yvaine that Avianca hadn’t seen her mother and Cam coupling, after all. The child might have grown up in a brothel, but the lass was young, innocent, and still naïve. Yvaine hoped Avianca would stay that way for a long time to come.