Page 91 of The Cheerleader

I nod. I can’t feel sorry for her about the inevitable crushing of her romantic dreams. Not because I don’t care. More because I get the terrible feeling that her dreams might come true, that her romantic notions are real and uncrushable.

Maybe that is a problem for me because she’s made it clear I’m not in the running for the role of her romantic lead. But that’s not news to me. I’m no romantic. I’m the opposite.

Yes, the last thing I want to do is crush the thing about her I find most intriguing, her ever-hopeful romantic view of the world. The one where everything turns out right.

The one I find it impossible to accept.

The one that makes me and Susie impossible. No matter how attracted we are, no matter how strongly I feel a connection.

A rise of giggles comes from Liz and her posse of cheerleaders, saving me from dwelling anymore on Susie. They’re too excited to stand still, probably leftover energy from seeing their first porn flick. Or in Liz’s case, because they made an obscene amount of money off a bunch of degenerate college guys. With their enthusiasm spilling over, they come over to me and Susie.

“We’re going to the Rathskeller,” Liz says. She puts a hand on my arm. “Come with us, Bryan.” She flicks a glance at her best friend. “And you too, Susie.”

I shake my head. “I need to finish a paper tonight. And Susie needs to read it over before I hand it in tomorrow.” It’s a bold-faced lie, but it’s more for Susie’s benefit than Liz’s because I know Susie doesn’t like the Rathskeller any more than I do.

Not that I’m not benefiting too. I’m obsessed with Susie. It’s getting to be intolerable. I can’t let her mess with my head anymore. It’ll interfere with football, my life. I need to get her out of my head so I can finish out the last few games of the season in top form.

I need to get past my hang-up on her—and Liz. Tonight.

Susie gives me a look, part grateful, part suspicious, and if my ability to read her isn’t shot to hell with my constant thinking about her, she seems partly interested.

“Your loss,” Judy says as they say their goodbyes and thank-yous, ultimately snaring Liz with their gravitational pull, moving around the corner to the front exit as we watch them go.

Susie turns to me. “We don’t have a paper due tomorrow.” It’s not an accusation, more like a request for an explanation. One I’m not inclined to give her.

Besides, she’s smart enough to figure it out if she hasn’t already. I’m losing my mind, my war with self-control when it comes to her.

The part she might not guess is that I don’t want to be out of control.

“Let’s go.” I put a hand on her lower back to guide her to the back exit. It was an automatic touch and I realize that I’m doing it when I feel her warmth through her jeans because she’s wearing a short jacket.

“This is the wrong way,” she says. “You didn’t want to walk with the girls⁠—”

“No. Neither did you. Liz snubbed you.”

She stops short at the door and I stop with her. A frisson of pleasure at getting a rise out of her skims along my nerves.

“She didn’t snub me. She knows I don’t enjoy the Rathskeller like she does.” She firms her mouth and raises a brow. “You know that about me too.”

“And?”

She laughs as we push outside, where my eyes automatically aim upward at the night sky, which is lit by a million stars. I feel her laughter penetrate, making me feel like I could touch the stars if I tried.

“You’re so… so…” She trails off, shaking her head as I lead us along the path that eventually winds around to the sidewalk along Hillside Road.

“Wonderful?”

She laughs again, and I breathe it in with the crispy air. “You cold?”

“I’m fine.” She shudders, proving herself a liar, and chuckles.

I put an arm around her and pull her in to my side as we walk. It’s not selfish, more like torture. Unless I do something about it.

She gazes up at me. “If you were a gentleman, you’d give me your jacket.”

“Guess I’m not a gentleman. But you knew that.”

She sighs. “You’re not so bad. You are keeping me warm.”