Page 134 of Nothing to Fear

“Take a few days off to spend with your dad. Try a little self-care. Pick up the pieces, one day at a time. I know how badly it can hurt, believe me. Cole and I put each other through the grinder. I understand how shitty you might feel. I’ll help you through it any way I can.” She flashed a sad smile. “We’re also going to need a big bottle of wine.”

47

Martinsburg, West Virginia

Tuesday, July 9, 1:10 pm EDT

Hannah’s farmhouse looked exactly the way she’d described it to Gideon. Peaceful. Sweet air caressing the grass. Birds soaring across a bright, cloudless sky. A place you could take long walks through the thick woods, camp out in a chair on the porch and read a book. Hell, setting foot inside her cozy home tempted him to take a nap. And he never napped.

Then again, it was probably the painkillers, lack of sleep, running off the dredges of an adrenaline cocktail, and the blood loss that made him want some shut-eye. The doctor had also said dehydration. Good thing Castle was driving.

They got Hannah settled, helped her put away groceries, checked out the house to be on the safe side, and had been persuaded to stay for a homecooked lunch.

“Wow. Your fried chicken is better than my mother’s,” Castle said. “Just don’t tell her I said that.”

“Don’t worry,” Hannah said, giving that easy smile of hers. “I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.”

“Thanks for cooking.” Gideon put his hand on hers.

“It’s been ages since you let me cook for you.” She cupped his face with her other hand. “The pleasure was all mine.”

“I’ll do the dishes and clean up.” Castle stood, collecting plates from the dining room table. “Please don’t argue,” he said when Hannah started to protest. “You’ll only waste your breath, and in the end, I’ll win.”

Gideon raised his brows, giving her a look of warning.

Hannah smiled. “I can tell when I’ve been beaten. Thank you.”

Castle went into the kitchen, leaving them alone. The water ran, and dishes clattered in the sink.

“How are you doing, Gideon?” Her tone was warm and soft. “And I don’t mean your injuries. Are you okay?”

Just missing a heart. I ripped it out and threw it away because I’m an idiot. Otherwise, I’m fine. “I’m good. Everything’s good. I was just worried about you.”

“What’s wrong, honey? Don’t bother lying.”

Hannah’d had a sixth sense about Gideon when he was little. She’d known when to leave him alone and give him space while he hid out in her house and when to get him talking over hot chocolate.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” Bluffing was second nature to him. It wasn’t in him to confess outright.

“You said good twice.” She smothered a laugh. “Once for me, and once to convince yourself. What’s troubling you? The job?” She searched his face. “A woman? Please tell me there’s a woman in your life.” Hannah pressed her palms together in prayer.

“I messed up. Pushed her away, but…” Fixing it was easier said than done.

“But what?” She took his hand in both of hers.

“Did you ever regret marrying Ben? I mean, did you ever want a guy with a normal job, who didn’t force you to worry while he was out doing something dangerous?”

She sighed. “Honey, not marrying Ben would’ve been the biggest mistake of my life. I knew what he did, and his job was a part of him. I loved all of him, even the tough, scary bits I had to learn to accept.”

“Hannah, she’s young. She could find a decent guy to give her a normal life.”

“First, you’re better than a decent guy. You’re a great one. Trust me.” Hannah nodded for emphasis. “Second, do you really want her loving another man?”

Fresh anguish bled through him. He’d rather endure a slow, painful death. Actually, he’d rather strip the flesh from the other dude’s bones.

“I didn’t think so. Gideon, the heart wants what it wants. There’s seldom a choice. And don’t let others dictate what’s normal for you. People thought something was wrong with Ben and me or our marriage because we didn’t want kids, but we were happy, just the two of us. We created the life we wanted. But then you came along, and you redefined our lives and our sense of normal.”

His abnormal-normal childhood had love in it and had been made safe because of Ben and Hannah. He wouldn’t have traded it for a cookie-cutter one.