Page 9 of Insatiable

“When you were in the hospital, none of us knew when you would wake up, so I told the powers that be that I was your lawyer and in charge of your estate. The last thing I wanted was for that asshole to take anything else from you. Even with him being on the run, he could have still had access to your accounts, so I acted on your behalf.” I watch her expression because I know Tate is independent and strong willed. Knowing her the way I do I know without a shadow of a doubt she would want to handle her own affairs and by the slight look of anger on her face I could tell she was battling with the fact that I took control for her. Coma or not.

“Maybe later you can talk me through everything.” She quickly turns back to admiring the view, with the sun long gone the moon was putting on a show for us now.

“When you’re settled in, I will talk you through it all.” I sigh. “Look, I know this is a lot to take in. We can take it all slow. I know the detectives came to see you today.” Her head snaps in my direction, and she scowls.

“Your lawyer, remember. I demand they keep me abreast on the case and to inform me when they were going to speak to you. Shit, Jay has his consultant company looking for the asshole digitally,” I say quickly, holding my hands up in surrender. Her head turns towards the house and her face softens.

“Sean. Thank you for handling things for me. I know I don’t have anyone else, so it means the world to me that you stepped in.” She reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I don’t know about no one. That best friend of yours is pretty vicious. He is a character, and I noticed very protective of you. I thought I may have to fight him over some of the decision-making processes, but he warmed to me in the end.” I laugh.

“Paul is a special breed. Maybe if I had a penis, I could have married him. Then I wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place.” She smiles at her joke, but I don’t.

“Before you know it, you will have control of your life and eventually things will start to feel normal again,” I say to her, but maybe I needed to hear that as well. After denying my feelings and opting to marry someone else, I feel relieved to be here in this place with all three of them. We all decided that we wanted to not only take care of Tate, but we wanted a second chance with her. She was our friend, but none of us could deny what we felt eight years ago and what we still feel today. There was no push and pull, no room for selfishness, we all want to love her equally. That took a lot, considering we wanted her to choose before. We know what we want. The ball is in her court.

We both lean against the railing; the ocean waves a soundtrack to our moody ponderings. Finally, the silence is broken when Tate wearily sighs.

“Sean. I tried and failed too,” she says as she turns and climbs the stairs back up to the house.

I watch her walk in through the glass doors and Jay sweeps her off her feet. Her laugh is infectious, and I can’t help smiling at the way he makes her laugh so freely. He says something to her that I can’t hear and then puts her down on her feet. Holding out his hand to her, she takes it easily and they both walk up the steps. I let my feet carry me into the house.

I don’t know what I expect from being here, but I know one thing for sure. I am drowning, my body is adrift, lost at sea. Tate, well, I know now that Tate is my life buoy.

She always has been, only she can save me now.

I hum the words to “Damage” by H.E.R. thinking through the lyrics and how they relate to my life right now. Jay, Cace, and Sean want to take care of me but what if it ends up being too much. The sound of laughter cuts through my earbuds as I hear them talking and enjoying themselves. I excused myself up to the room I’m staying in for the time being and I immediately got to work syncing the mound of technology waiting for me on the bed when Jay brought me up here earlier. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and considering James killed my phone the day he shot me, I accepted Jay’s gift willingly.

It feels surreal being here with them. Sean is as handsome as ever, his dark brown eyes are almost black, and he towers over me, well, I am petite, so they all tower over me. Seans thick muscles strained against his white button-down dress shirt, and when he approached me with those sleeves rolled up, and those tight trousers, my mouth went dry. I love a man in a suit, but the sight of him disheveled the way he was did something to my lady bits. The only new thing about him is his hair is gone, he’s completely bald, and it is as sexy as hell. I was a lucky girl with platonic hot male friends in college. Now I am in serious trouble being here. My vagina is already whispering to me, and I am nowhere near ready for any of that.

When Cace asked me to come stay, I wanted to refuse. But with Paul on the road, he was right I would be alone. With James still out there, I didn’t feel safe. Hell, I am plagued with nightmares that I know will haunt me for a while, and I couldn’t go back to my home. It hurt me to think that I couldn’t return to a place that was my solace. My home meant everything to me. I worked hard to buy it. When my parents died in a car accident my senior year of high school, the lawyers convinced my grandmother to sue the man who killed them, and I was given a substantial amount money. I outright refused to touch it. To me it was blood money, and I would have rather had my mom and dad back. So, I placed it in a bank account and forgot about it. I had money, but I wanted to know that I worked hard and earned my own way in this world. My house was the reward of my blood, sweat, and a whole lot of tears. Now, the thought of stepping through the front door makes me break into a cold sweat and bile rises in my throat.

True to his word Sean talked me through everything he had done for me whilst I was in a coma. I was angry at him for overstepping the mark when he told me earlier, but I knew that was my own independence and stubbornness causing me to react that way. Apparently, when James left me for dead, he and Precious went straight into the bank and withdrew all my savings and cleared my checking account. I tried not to cry when he told me, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew I wasn’t broke, but it was mine, I earned every cent. He hasn’t contributed jack shit in months, and he had no right to any of it. Thank goodness I was smart and only allowed him access to those two accounts. My inheritance from my grandmother’s passing last year, and my parent's money is in two secure accounts that James knows nothing about. I let him think I used it all on that expensive assed car of his. The rest I put away, making sure I put the information in my hiding place in my sewing room.

Sean had made sure my bills were paid and made sure no one else had access to anything with my name on it. My new phone begins to ring, breaking me from my thoughts and I scramble through the piles of boxes on my bed to find it.

“Hello, Tate Charles.” I push away my sadness and put on a fake smile, although whoever is on the other end won’t see.

“Bitch, it feels so good to hear your voice. Don’t do that shit to me ever again.” I smile genuinely at the sound of Paul’s voice. I can already feel the tears begin to fall and I quickly wipe them away.

“What, getting shot or almost marrying a psychopath?” I try to laugh but it all hits too close to home.

“Both. Tate, I was so scared. I wanted to come and see you. I can’t believe they flew you all the way to Santa Barbara though. Work has been crazy without you. We’ve had so many proposals for possible projects that we are swamped. Tell, me you will be back soon?” he pleads the last line and I swallowed past the lump in my throat, too afraid to answer.

“I have a lot of recovering to do. I don’t know how much Cace has told you, but my right hand suffered nerve damage and I don’t know if I will ever—” I go silent, silently choking on a sob and let the tears run freely now. Everything hits me at once. I thought I was strong enough to at least talk to Paul about it, but this wound runs deep. My hands are my livelihood. James tried to take my life, now it seems he’s trying to take away my career. I am full on hyperventilating. I can hear Paul calling my name, but I can’t answer him. What if I can’t draw or sew anymore? The logical part of my brain knows there are alternatives and computer programs that could help me, but I’m not thinking straight.

“It’s okay, Tate. You don’t need to worry about any of it. You were just discharged from the hospital. I will hold down the fort. Tate. Tate! Can you hear me?” Paul shouts through the phone but I am too lost in my grief to make myself do anything but cry. Why the fuck am I even here? I am no good for anybody right now.

“Tate. I am going to call you back. I love you, boo. Please, take care of yourself.” I want to tell Paul I am okay but I realize I’m far from it. How long will it take for me not to fall apart like this? How many therapy sessions will I need? How long will I need until I can let go of what happened to me? When can I start to live normally again?

The sound of feet bounding up the stairs doesn’t stir me as I curl up into a ball on my side. Trying to breathe through my panic, my chest is tight, reminding me of me when I laid dying on the floor at my home.

“Tay.” Strong arms grab hold of me. The scent of musk and sandalwood cologne envelopes me as I turn my head into Cace’s chest.

“Shhh, breathe, Tatter-tot,” I hear Jay say from somewhere in the room as Cace sits on my bed cradling me in his lap.

“I am fucking furious that this happened to you, Tatum. I feel absolutely helpless.” I open my eyes, blurred with tears to see Sean pacing my room like a cage lion. Jay squats on his knees beside the bed rubbing my arms while Cace just holds me.

“I’m sorry.” I barely get the words out before I’m sobbing again. They are my friends and yet I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed of what happened to me. I understood Sean earlier when he said the same thing because the feeling is mutual.