Page 10 of Insatiable

“What are you sorry for, Tatum?” Cace and Sean ask at the same time.

The room goes silent, and I let the quiet soothe me. I can hear their breathing. The gentle rise and fall of Cace’s chest combined with his heartbeat gives me comfort. I didn’t even know that I needed to feel this kind of closeness until now. I thought I would be revolted by any man’s touch, but I’m not when it comes to theirs. Never theirs. I can’t think too much about this at the moment. I don’t want to think, I just want to feel the safety I used to always feel when they were around.

Suddenly, Jay begins to hum, the tune is familiar, and I begin to relax as the lyrics and melody dances together in sweet harmony.

“Oh, come on, Jay, not this song,” Sean huffs with a smile. Cace laughs softy and squeezes me tighter in his arms. Jay raises his voice singing louder just to annoy them as he serenades me with “As” by Stevie Wonder. I let the words wash over me and I begin to relax.

We both finish the last line of the verse together. Warmth spreads throughout my body as the words to my favorite song soothes me. I sigh as the room goes quiet again.

“Should I keep singing?” Jay reaches up from the floor and strokes my cheek tenderly. I turn my head towards him and shake my head no. His amazing voice, singing my favorite song, from my favorite album was all I needed to ground me.

“I’m good. I got a little overwhelmed when I was talking to Paul a minute ago.” I sit up and Cace adjusts me on his lap.

“We know. Paul called me as soon as he hung up with you and we came running.” I look into Cace’s eyes, his gaze pierces me with so much longing it has me looking away only to find Sean and Jay with the same look.

“Why? Why after all this time? We have our own lives, our own separate baggage collected from the years we’ve been apart. Yet, all three of you look at me the same way you did eight years ago.” I slide from Cace’s lap, once standing, I back away from them, almost tripping over Jay in the process. I wrap my arms around myself, as they all stare at me, waiting for me to fall apart again.

“Those feelings never left, Tatum, even when I tried to move on. They never left,” Sean says, taking a tentative step towards me, but I hold my hand out to stop him.

“I stayed away, like you asked, even though I was the closest. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to be near you,” Jay says from the floor as he crawls my way. I move my arm in his direction, trying to stop him as well.

“Fellas let's give her some space,” Cace says, standing from my bed and moving towards the door. I don’t know what came over me. Before I knew it the question came flying out of my mouth.

“What about you, Cace?” My voice is barely audible as he stands with his back to me in the doorway. I don’t need to know. ‘Then why the hell did you ask?’ I internally berate my curiosity.

“Everyday. I can’t deny that I don’t love you, Tay. I always have. Time, distance, and space won’t change that.” Cace doesn’t look at me, he just walks out of the room.

“Damn, Cace, I thought we weren’t supposed to overwhelm her, but you just snatched the band aid right off.” Jay picks himself off the floor and shoves his hands in the jeans.

“Unfortunately, I can’t disagree with what he said. I love you too, Tatter-tot. I know it’s a lot. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” He takes a step towards me, then thinks better of it, and turns and walks out of the room. I sigh. What do I do with this? Talk about an emotional overload. I look to Sean to find him staring at me.

“I’m not worthy of it. None of it. Look at you three. You’re all grown ass men. Brilliant and successful, like I always believed you’d be.” He quirks his eyebrow at me in question as I continue. “Our lives are different, demands different things of us. How can I compare my life to yours?” I cross over to my bed and sit. I am not sure what I am trying to say but I know that I’ve had too many confessions for one night and my brain was fried.

“You don’t,” Sean finally says. “You don’t need to compare your life to ours. I could ask you the same question. Our lives are worlds apart, but our one constant has always been you. I know why you walked away from us all those years ago. Even if we hadn’t been stupid enough to ask you to choose, we wouldn’t have been able to stay together. It wasn’t our time. Yet. Think about it. I’ve already forced love on myself once, I don’t plan on doing it again.” He smiles and blows me a kiss from across the room and walks toward the door.

“We are all here, no matter how long it takes. But I think we finally agree on one thing,” Sean says from the door. I shift myself on the bed to face him, waiting for him to continue.

“That this time you won’t have to choose. We are all in. We are yours, Tatum. How that looks in the end is up to you. No pressure.” My mouth falls open in shock as I watch Sean walk away.

I stare at the empty door for a long time before I move again. Did they just tell me they love me then walk away, leaving it all up to me? Trying not to panic again, I grab my earbuds and push play. Laying down on the mound of pillows on my bed, I let the music rock me to a restless sleep.

“Tay. Would you like breakfast before your appointment with Dr. Schaffer?” Cace asks from the other side of the door. I’ve been dragging my feet all morning. Taking my time to shower and comb through the closet full of clothes that had been purchased for me. Thanks to Jay I was swimming in new clothes and shoes for all weather eventualities. As a Costume Designer, I examine every piece with excitement. It’s my job to get excited about beautiful clothes and that keeps me busy for a while longer this morning. I guess all the questions Cace was asking while I was recovering in the hospital were being fed back to them. They wanted to make me comfortable while I was here and bought all the things I loved. I wasn’t used to receiving gifts, even when we were in college together, I refused anything from them or any offer of their help with anything, nine times out of ten.

“I’m not really hungry. I’ll be down when it’s time to leave.” I close the distance between the massive king size bed that dominates the room and the door and reach out for the doorknob. Hesitating, I pull my hand back at the last minute.

“Tay, please. I know things were said—”

“It’s okay. Emotions were running high. Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I want to be here with you all. It’s just a lot to take in.” I press my hand to the door, berating myself internally for being too chicken to face him. ‘I’ll see him in the car,’ I tell myself as I step away, looking around at my now pristine room. Nothing is out of place.

“Alright, Tay. I understand. We are here if you need us.” I can hear Cace’s footsteps as they hit the stairs and fade as he walks down to the first floor. This house is a little too open for my liking. I am more traditional than modern, and although I love the ocean views and the private beach, I miss the welcoming feeling of coming home to my neighborhood and my house in general. Even though the thought of stepping foot in my home puts me on edge, I just miss it with my soul.

Turning around in a circle I eye my Kindle and decide that reading isn’t going to distract me from the inevitable, I need to go downstairs eventually. Grabbing my designer tote bag, yet another beautiful purchase from Jay, I look back in longing at my Kindle. Rethinking my decision, I hurry back to my bed, scoop it up, and stuff it in my bag. Hanging my tote over my shoulder I leave behind the safety of my room and head downstairs.

Stepping onto the small landing I reach out with my right hand and notice it’s shaking uncontrollably as I try and fail to grip the banister. My hand slips, making me fall forward and my legs to slide out from under me. My ass hits the steps hard, sending me sliding down the step like a pro bobsledder, my tote flies off my shoulder and sends the contents of my bag tumbling out. I reach out with my good hand and catch the other side of the stairs to stop myself from falling further.

Yep, definitely should have hidden in my room for longer. The sound of three sets of stampeding feet bounding up the stairs reaches my ears and I groan.

“Tatter-tot!”