Page 111 of Lovely Darkness

“Do you even hear yourself? And that’s even worse. You didn’t teach her how to shoot, but she picks up a gun, in the dead of night, shoots one bullet, and ends up hitting somebody in the back of the head like magic.”

“It was a dart.”

“It doesn’t matter what it was, Adam. She hit him. Don’t you see? You’ve already traded Indie in for a newer model.”

I walk over to the bar, reach for a bottle of Johnny Walker Platinum on the top shelf and I’m just about to pour when McKay puts his hand over the glass. “I don’t blame you.”

“For what?” I ask. “Buying her?”

“No. For hating her.” I look up at him, ready to deny it, but he shakes his head. “You have every right to hate her. You have every right to cut her loose. But I’m asking you not to. Not yet. I’m just asking you to give it a little more time.”

“How much time? I don’t think I can do this anymore, McKay. I need something to look forward to because right now my life feels like one long, eternal sentence in hell.”

“Just let Merc do his thing. We set it all up, Adam. We can’t back down now.”

“And then what? What happens if it works? What happens if it doesn’t?”

He doesn’t know so he can’t answer.

So I answer for him. “Let me tell you what happens if it works, OK? We stay at Old Home. I do what I do, you do what you do, Indie and Nate get weirder and weirder—” He opens his mouth to object, but I point at him. “You know it’s happening, don’t tell me you don’t.”

He shrugs. Accepts what I say is true—because it is.

“If it works, things go back to the way we’ve been doing them. I send assassins out to clean up old-school Company assholes who don’t know the fuckin’ war is over yet. Nick Tate keeps killing little blonde girls. But they keep coming. There are always more bankers, and car dealers, and real estate agents, and little blonde girls. And you spend the rest of your life putting Indie first and holding down the Old Home fort. No end in sight. And if it doesn’t work, we end him and his fucked-up second personality. Indie hates us. Goes on some rampage for another four years killing and doing God knows what. Takes Nathan along for the ride—probably Maggie too. And then we’re right back where we started from. Only worse. Because we won’t be in a position to stop it at that point. We’ll be slaves, McKay. Slaves to the Company.” I actually laugh here. “No, that’s not right. We’ll actually come to the conclusion that we have always been slaves. Rich ones, for sure. But slaves nonetheless. At that point, well, there is no point. We’ll kill each other in some suicide pact and end it once and for all. Going out knowing that we gave up our one life for evil.”

McKay lets out a long breath. “Wow. You are not in a good place this morning.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I’m not gonna disagree with you.”

“Good.”

“But I’m not gonna give up until we at least try.”

“It’s not gonna work, McKay. And even if it does, it’s nothin’ but a trap.”

“What do you want me to say, Adam?”

“I want you to say…” I sigh. “I want you to say that we’ll walk away. Just the two of us.”

He raises an eyebrow. “No Maggie?”

I do my best not to hesitate here. Because I’m not there yet. I get what he’s saying. Maggie will be the next Indie if I pretend to be her father. But I can’t see a life where there is no Maggie. And I certainly will not let Indie and Nate have her. So I say, “I can’t answer that yet. But it’s my call. I want you to say that I get to make the call.”

There is a dirty ultimatum underneath those words. I don’t really mean it. I would not walk out on McKay again. I hurt him last time and even though that was not my intention, I won’t do it again. But I need him to take me seriously, so I let that threat linger in his mind and don’t set him straight.

Finally, after a long pause, he says, “OK. Fine. You win. We let Merc try. We see how it goes. And then you make the call.”

“And you come with me, if I say we leave?” I don’t add what really needs to be said though. And that’s the part about leaving Indie behind.

But McKay’s loyalty is to me first, anyway.

“Adam, I will follow you anywhere. You don’t even have to ask. All you gotta do is start walking and I’ll catch up and be right by your side.” Then he puts his arm around me, guides me back to the bedroom, and we make out in the shower.

Then we get dressed, leave New Orleans behind, and get back to work.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - NICK