Page 94 of Tony

She sits up in bed. “Of course.”

“Well, I’m not sure I am unstuck.”

“Hmm,” she hums.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this? It’s over. Very over.”

“Doesn’t seem over. You just said you might not be unstuck.”

“I did say that. But that’s not what I meant.”

“You fucked her behind Sick Boyz two days ago, Tony.”

“Yes.”

“And before you point out that I fucked Vann inside Sick Boyz two days ago as well, I get it. But I’ve sorted through my feelings for Vann. I just want to make sure you have sorted through your feelings for Belinda too.”

“You sorted through them?”

“Yep. I’m totally over it. I really hope he and Belinda are soulmates. I hope they get married. Hell, I hope I get an invite to the wedding. I wish nothing but the best for them.”

“And you feel that way because…”

“I have you. And having you feels nothing like not having him.”

I smile and nod my head a little.

“Is that how you feel about Belinda?”

I turn my whole body to face her. Because I need her to hear me. I need to make this very clear. “I have never loved Rosalinda. I didn’t love her as Rosalie and I didn’t love her as Belinda. She was a cute girl I met when I was very young and we… fucked around for a few years. That’s it. That’s all it was. It’s just… I don’t know. I know you’re probably getting frustrated with me, but I’m just having a very hard time figuring out what I’m doing here. Not here with you. Because I like you. I’m very sure of that. So sure, I’m picturing myself passing serious milestones with you, Soshee Ameci. But I feel like I have left something unfinished. When Rosalinda showed up with Alonzo’s girlfriend a few months ago… I don’t know what happened to me. I just… had feelings, but not the kind of feelings you think. It wasn’t that I wanted her back. I just… didn’t want her there. Ya know? At my fucking house. I was angry when she showed back up. She had no right to do that and I was just so fucking pissed.”

“Is that when you stopped sleeping?”

I nod. “Yeah. That’s when it started.”

“Hmm.” Soshee sits up in bed, hiking the sheet up over her breasts to cover them. “Well… I hate to break this to you, Tony, but you’re right. You have unfinished business with that girl. I’m not sure if it’s with Rosalie, or with Belinda, or with Rosalinda. Choose a name and personality, I guess. But there are relationship leftovers that need to be thrown out.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I feel like… she and I should maybe… have a talk?”

“Couldn’t hurt.”

“But I don’t know what to say to her. Do I say, ‘Look, I’m sorry I never loved you?’”

“Did she love you?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m telling you, it was nothing but anger and hate. Fighting and crying.”

“And the sex?”

“The sex. OK, you want to hear something really fucked up?” I can’t believe I’m actually gonna go here.

“Might as well,” Soshee says. “We’re in this together now.”

I smile at that. “We are, Sosh.”