Page 126 of Joey

Be like Johnny.

And here’s the other sad realization I came to today. That whole time I was sitting there at that table and all those people were coming up to me to drop off checks I didn’t want and didn’t ask for, I was thinking about Maisy.

Not just Maisy.

Me, too.

Me, back when Johnny left Jesse and me behind to go to high school and how, just a few days ago, I’d figured out that’s where it all went wrong. We were a team before that. We didn’t understand what was happening, we just knew it was and there was no way to stop it. And we knew we were in it together.

But when Johnny left something happened. I guess it could’ve just as easily happened to me or Jesse, but it didn’t. It happened to Johnny.

They got to him.

I’ve been kidding myself all these years. I do know what we are. I do know what we do. I just… I just wanted to pretend.

But seeing Maisy today with her sister…

I’m going to be my father. This realization hits me so hard, I have chest pains and have to take very slow, very careful deeps breaths so I don’t have an actual, honest-to-God panic attack.

I’m going to rip Maisy away from her sister. And one day Malinda Conner will be telling her fucked-up story about how her sister is an angry, messed-up freak, and she’s going to think back to this birthday party and say, That’s the day they got to her. That’s the day it all went wrong.

I take a deep breath and say, “That day we came back from Japan.”

Everyone kinda turns towards me. Wald looks over his shoulder. Huck turns all the way around in his seat in front of me. Brooke pushes up and away from my embrace.

“What about it?” Huck asks.

“That day I went to the Bossy Building to see Jesse.” I look at Brooke because she doesn’t know any of this and Huck and Wald know a little. “Jesse is my little brother. He’s been the black sheep since he was born. And he was in the tabloids the day before—something about a kidnapping. Those women who own Bright Berry Beach Cosmetics were all Jesse’s exes and they wanted revenge, so they bought him at a charity auction, and… and…” I shake my head.

“And what?” Brooke asks.

“And there was security footage of them kidnapping Jesse from our lake house and Johnny… Johnny sold it to the tabloids. He caused that whole shit show.”

“What?” Huck says.

“You never told us this,” Wald adds.

“I know,” I say. And I’m a little out of breath right now, so I stop and suck in some air. “Johnny called me, told me to come home, so we fueled up the jet and we came home. I didn’t tell you because this part doesn’t even matter. Not really. Johnny’s been selling out Jesse to the tabloids for as long as Jesse’s been doing tabloid-worthy things. He says he did it to protect him. So they didn’t get to Jesse the way they did Johnny. He says that’s why he told me to go away and never come back. So I wouldn’t end up like him. So I didn’t have to be a part of this.”

“Who?” Brooke asks. “Who are we talking about?”

“Just listen for a minute, OK? Because there’s a lot more, Brooke.”

She nods at me. Her eyes still red from her own earlier tears. “OK. I’m listening.”

“So whatever. Johnny’s a dick. If that’s all there was to say about that night, I’d just…” I take another breath. “I’d just shut up about it and forget the whole thing. But that’s not all that happened that night I got home.”

Huck and Wald trade a glance.

“Johnny was trying to explain shit. Explain why he is the way he is. But there really are not words to describe my older brother. I mean, psychopath comes to mind. And that’s probably a succinct way to sum him up. But he told us to go up into the Bossy Building spire and watch.”

“Watch what?” Huck asks.

“What just happened back there in the ballroom, it’s happened before. It happened that night up in the spire too. Not quite the same, it was Johnny taking the money, not me being offered it. But it was the same. And in the end there was something like… I dunno. Twenty billion dollars. Checks inside white envelopes.”

“Why?” Brooke asks.

“Why?” I echo. “I don’t know.”