Page 20 of Play Dirty

Then he turns and disappears into the hallway.

I’m so stunned I just stand there for a moment. Feeling the touch of his lips on my lips for a minute or more. I place the tips of my fingers on them. Confused.

They murmur to each other in the bedroom.

Augustine’s soft voice. His low response. Then silence.

We’re allowed to love more than one person in a lifetime.

Are we? I mean, sure. We are. But more than one person at a time? How does that ever work?

That’s why we had the club. That’s why people went there. It wasn’t love, it was just sex. There were rules, and clear expectations, and it was all… safe. We knew where we stood, we knew it was a fantasy. We knew the moment we stepped outside the door, reality took over.

And what Augustine and Alexander are telling me now is… is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

Except it does.

Plural relationships are temporary arrangements. Things get in the way if they go on too long. Feelings grow unevenly, and expectations change unilaterally, and emotions run wild.

That’s how it always ends.

We all know this. We’ve all lived this.

And it fucking hurt.

So why are we trying to relive that pain? Why would we want to?

They talk softly again. Probably wondering what I’m gonna do next.

And that’s the problem.

I have no idea.

But as a lawyer I know the best defense is silence.

So I leave. I walk out. I make my way up to the main road and spend the next hour wondering if they’ll come pick me up.

But they don’t.

I get to the nearest store, call a car service in Fort Collins, and drink bitter black coffee as I wait for my ride home.

CHAPTER FIVE

I don’t hear from them for the rest of the weekend but sure as shit, Alexander is at my office at noon on Monday.

Too bad I’m not there.

I’m in court. Well, sort of. I’m hiding at the courthouse.

Which kinda makes me feel stupid and childish, but fuck it. I don’t know what to do with these two. And the funny thing is—the really ironic thing is… six months ago I’d have felt totally different.

I sit on a hallway bench, unwrap the avocado toast sandwich I just got from a lunch truck outside, and try to unpack my feelings at the same time.

My phone dings a text. I didn’t answer Alexander’s first text, so this is… yup. Augustine. It’s an emoji making a mad face.

Six months ago… what was different about me?

Ixion, I decide. He and I were practically strangers. His life was a mess. And then I came along, hired him to help me with that game, we had it out (a few times) and even though I don’t think we’re exactly friends now, I’m pretty sure he’d bail me out of jail if I ever got arrested.