Page 19 of Play Dirty

“But that’s all it was. Just fun.”

Alexander remains quiet. It’s unsettling and I start to fidget, lean back against the counter, mirroring him.

“You know why it was hot?” he finally says.

“Yeah, the AC was broke.”

“You remember why it was broke?”

“No,” I say, shaking my head.

“People kept getting up on the roof that summer. Stealing the components out of the unit.”

I laugh. “Oh, no shit? I don’t remember that.”

“No,” he says. “You wouldn’t because it wasn’t your place, ya know? And I don’t mean that like… like a being a dick or anything. I just mean, it wasn’t your concern, right? It was mine. The reason it feels different now than it did then is because we were young. You, and Ix, and Augustine were all kids. And to you guys it was just fun. Just a phase, maybe. That’s probably true for Ixion. He’s moved on. Found his way.”

I have to laugh at that. Because Ixion, fuck-up of the century, is being called the adult in this conversation.

“And now we’re living this other life. One where August and I are married and having problems. One where you’re adrift and having problems.”

“Dude, I’m cool, man. I’m not having problems. For the most part things are going real well.”

“For the most part, you say? Well, I’d have to disagree, Jordan. You’re a top-notch lawyer now, sure. On your way to becoming one of the best defense litigators in the country. Gonna make full partner soon, probably. And yet… this side business you run. Your Game, I think it’s called. And this business about the building. It’s all, sadly, the same old, same old.”

“You don’t know me, so don’t pretend like you do.”

“I did know you. Pretty intimately.”

“Well, clearly that’s changed since you can’t even bring yourself to kiss me properly anymore. I mean, what’s the point of all this?” I throw up my hands. “You don’t like me that way.”

“You’re right,” he says. “I don’t like you that way. But I do like you another way.”

“What other way?”

“The way you are with us.”

I huff some air. This is so stupid.

“I never walked out, Jordan. That was you. You hurt her—”

“I’m not that guy anymore.”

“No, you’re this guy now.”

He’s starting to piss me off. So I say, “Just go home. Just sell me the building and forget about me and take her home.”

He’s shaking his head before I’m even done talking. “She’s not going home with me if this doesn’t work. She’s going somewhere, but I won’t be with her.”

“I can’t save your fucking marriage, Alexander. I can’t fix things for you.”

“Our marriage is already over. That display we gave you last night… that’s all that’s left of us. Her getting off, me getting her off… that’s it, that’s all there is. And you know why, Jordan? Because it was never supposed to be the two of us. Believe me, we’ve been to a lot of fucking therapy trying to come to terms with why this won’t work. And it took years for us to both admit that it was you who held us together.”

Ixion’s words echo in my head. When we fought last January. I was the glue, he’d said. “I’m not the glue,” I say. “That isn’t me. I was the one who broke us apart. I was—”

“We’re here,” Alexander says. “We’re here, Jordan. Because it was you. And you can believe that or not. You can walk out and never look back if you want. Or…” He comes towards me in three quick steps, places his hand on the side of my neck, leans in and kisses my mouth. “Or,” he whispers. “Or you can take off your fucking clothes, follow me into the bedroom, get into the bed with us, and try again.”

He lets go of me and backs away.