Page 48 of Black Ledger

I disappeared upstairs to Ilya’s room first. I locked the door, rifled through his drawers, and found the stash of pot I knew he kept in his sock drawer. Then I opened his window and scaled down the garden lattice. My dress bunched up to my underwear as I did it, but I didn’t care. The night was dark, and no one would be expecting someone to scale the wall.

I wasn’t sure why I went through such effort to escape Chad. It just felt right, deep in my bones. I didn’t want him to bother me. I didn’t want him to find me. I just wanted to smoke my joint and then search for Severin. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to find him. Maybe I was trying to outrun the sick feeling Chad had left in my body.

The feeling of being wrong and dirty. And Severin was my anchor. He always managed to steady my ship on storm-battered seas. His unhinged personality gave me stability, which I knew logically made no sense.

And yet it did.

Anytime I had a bad day, got a bad grade, or just felt off, I wanted to be near Severin. He didn’t even have to say anything to make me feel better. His mere presence did. But let’s be honest, it was Severin; he would definitely be saying something vulgar, ridiculous, or profound. That was who he was.

Severin was easy, familiar, and safe, and right now, I desperately needed him, regardless of what mood he was in or what he was doing.

I took a hit from my joint and walked through the back gates to the pool. Instinctively, I knew he would be back there.

And I was right.

His back was to me, and he was kneeling on the ground.

Relief washed through me. Just seeing him settled something inside my jagged heart. It wasn’t until I heard the moan that it clicked. Severin Volkov was between a girl’s thighs on the patio by the pool, and what did I do? Of course, I had to walk farther in to get a better view.

I swear, something was broken inside me, because even watching him with someone else brought me a massive sense of relief.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Xeniya Morozova

Age 19

His fingers were inside the blonde girl, and his mouth was on her clit.

And the only thing coloring my emotions was jealousy.

Outrageous jealousy.

It should have made me feel something else entirely, given what had just happened with Chad. I should have been disgusted or something. I wasn’t. I was curious and jealous. Deeply, sickeningly jealous.

It wouldn’t do.

If Severin knew, he’d be insufferable. That was his main personality trait when it came to me—at least in this area.

I took a drag from my joint and leaned my head against the house, watching.

At least it was a good distraction from the gross feeling swirling in my stomach. Severin was always a good distraction for me. He was always a firm foundation for me to return to. Even watching him with someone else.

The pool flickered in the moonlight and cast twinkling shadows onto Severin and his flavor of the week. Quite literally, unfortunately.

His flavor-of-the-week moaned loudly, her arms over her head, her fingers curling into the vinyl straps of the pool recliner. “Ah, yes, yes… please God, yes.”

“I am your god,” Severin murmured against her pussy, taking his time.

I should have stopped watching. I should have. But I didn’t. Because fuck, watching him like this was starting to become a thing. No, I didn’t like it, because I didn’t like anyone touching him. Ever. Yet I was deeply—unapologetically—fascinated by him. Fascinated by the way he moved. I wondered what it would feel like.

I’d touched myself before, but this… this was not like that.

And damn it, I wanted someone—anyone—to make me moan like that. Well, not anyone. Not Chad.

I could go inside, find Kaz, and ask him to sleep with me. He’d definitely do it just to spite Severin. But who was I kidding? I didn’t just want anyone to make me moan like that. I wanted Severin to do it. If I wanted anyone, I would have let Chad have me in the hallway.

No, it was Severin.