Page 140 of The Bartender Special

No hiding.

No blog.

His stilts were sliding down the hill, but he was still managing to stand.

Benny took the smallest of steps forward.

He kept the pattern of saying exactly what was on his mind, charting new territory he knew he probably should have ventured through much earlier in life.

“The One Who Said Nothing was easy to write because people can’t die there, Jack,” he dove in. “My parents, out here? They went out for ice cream one night and then suddenly I was sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Twenty-one. They missed everything and, the worst part of it all, is I didn’t even know to be afraid of that before they were gone. So…So I became afraid of it after instead. I wrote everything down and then I let that be my life. Just words on a screen because words on a screen don’t go away unless you want them to. But coming here? Meeting you?”

Benny wanted to take another step forward.

But this time, he knew it was important that he stand there.

Loud.

Proud.

True.

He wanted Jack to hear him.

“You reminded me that, while special days are important, it’s the noises of living that I missed. That they are what make the special days special. That’s why I told you about my parents. That’s why I kissed you in the office while you were wearing those ridiculous tights. That’s why I held your hand after. It’s you, Jack. You’re every day of the week. You’re late weekend nights and early Sunday mornings. You’re the ice and the cream.”

Benny lightly touched his own chest, right above where his heart was racing.

“I don’t love Marcus, Jack. Not anymore. Not for a very long time. I think it was just easier to hold on to something I never had so, when it did go away, it didn’t hurt. It couldn’t. Because it never made me feel…like me.”

He took the smallest of steps forward now.

Jack’s gaze never moved from his.

“I want to be with you, Jack Knox. No more playing pretend.”

That was it.

That was what Benny had been feeling.

What he felt.

The One Who Said Nothing had finally, finally said what he’d meant.

Standing in front of a man he’d started to fall in love with the moment he’d kissed him in a bar.

He should have said it earlier, Benny knew, but he’d been waiting to be forced by their timeline. Their rock and their hard place, so close together that he’d have to do something.

He’d have to move.

He’d have to live.

Benny felt an unfurling relief blossom in his chest.

It hadn’t happened the way he’d wanted but, by God, he’d finally done it.

Now it was Jack’s turn.

To pick him, the rock, or the hard place.