Page 87 of Shipwrecked

“Ah.” I glance down at myself. Thanks to waxing and laser, even a few weeks on the island hasn’t changed the state of things in my nether regions. “I’m booked in for an appointment soon…” I calculate the days. “In a week. It would be nice to be rescued by then. Missing the timing throws off the whole schedule…”

“We’re listening.”

They’re staring.

“We had sex last night.”

“In the dark. And you’re so shy whenever we wash that I haven’t seen you naked before,” Mathieu points out.

Cillian rolls out of bed. He shakes out his left hand with an irritated grunt. “I’ll help you wash.”

Mathieu is up like a shot. “Me too.”

Chapter Thirty

Cillian

I break Jules’s rules and ask Seán to join me on the walk to the watering hole. Yasop, who was originally meant to go, agrees to keep an eye on Jules and Mathieu. The heavy rain from the night before has the insects out in swarms, and I’m sick of swatting the stupid things before we’re even ten minutes into the trip. Even with the salvaged bug spray, they’re annoying, flooding the air.

“We’re alone.” Seán breaks the silence. “Whatever you want to ask, go ahead.”

I’m leading the way, and not having to see what sort of face he’s making helps. “I always fall into relationships.”

“I know. You’ve dated at least three different women a year since you moved in with us.”

“Right. And I always know I’ll be dumped.”

Seán makes an unhappy sound in his throat, and I hear a catch, like he’s about to object. Instead he sighs. “Go on.”

“And I’m never upset about it, because I know from the start that’s how it’ll go.”

“Do you always think that, Cillian?” There’s a hint of frustration in his voice now. “Obviously you’re going to break up if that’s the mindset you bring into the relationship.”

Even with the first woman I dated—though I’m not sure I’d classify that one as dating, because we never did boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, just lived and slept together—I knew it wouldn’t last long. “I never wanted something long-term. I don’t want to end up like my parents. They hate each other. Genuinely. And they stay together anyway, making each other hateful and unhappy.”

Seán lengthens his stride to catch up with me. I move over to make room.

“My parents love each other and make each other happy. And you know what? They’ve had you since you were fifteen, Cillian. You’re more ours than you ever were your parents.” Seán places his hand on my shoulder. “You’ve always been good to the people you care about. You’d never treat a partner the way your parents treat each other. Or how they treated you.”

I step over a fallen log. A large lizard skitters into the underbrush. The rustling leaves remind me of snakes. My gaze slides up to the hanging vines. I’d rather not have one drop on me again. Getting bitten on the wrist hurts more than on the ankle.

“They’d be amazing to date.”

“Jules is a good friend. I’m sure he’d make a good boyfriend. I didn’t know Mathieu before this trip, but as far as being trapped on an island with a group of people goes, he’s been a very positive, optimistic individual to be around. If he can handle a situation like this with that kind of attitude, then I’m sure he’s well-equipped for a relationship.”

I agree with all of that. “I don’t want it to be a short-term thing. And I actually feel like it could work despite…” I’m not sure Seán will cope with me discussing what I’m like in the bedroom. “If it goes like all my other relationships and I get dumped two months in, it’ll hurt.” I’m already closer to them than I was to Kara, and I dated her for four months. “It’ll hurt in a way no other relationship has.”

“So rather than taking a chance and risking hurt, your instincts are telling you not to jump in the first place?” Seán softens his words by squeezing my shoulder. “That’s usually how people feel before doing something scary, like asking someone out or starting a relationship.”

We pass the halfway point on the trail. “It doesn’t bother you that it’s both of them I like?”

“Nothing that makes you happy is going to bother me,” Seán says. I glance at him, and Seán meets my gaze, steadfast. “Are you going to ask them out?”

“Jules asked already.” While Mathieu stared at me with bright eyes, full of promise and challenge, daring me to say yes. Sort of how he’d woken up and started pushing me off the bed, telling me to sleep on the floor because I’m so annoying. I’m not sure what reaction he was looking for, but the grapple that ensued had been incredibly satisfying. And that stuff he said afterwards. I suppose I do tend to get anxious after sex, though I think it’s reasonable for me to anticipate bad reactions after getting so many of them… right?

“Of course Jules did. What did you say?”

I’m quiet for too long.