Page 60 of Discovering Her Earl

Just as Julian was finally drifting off to sleep, his subconscious provided him with the answer he’d been seeking. A snippet of a memory.

The night of the Marksley Ball—always the first of the Season—when Robert had stolen a decanter of brandy from his father’s study and they’d proceeded to drink it in the gardens before going back inside as the dancing began.

The heat of the room in addition to the warmth from the brandy forced beads of sweat to form on Julian’s brow, a heavy blanket of drunkenness muddled his thoughts to the point that he found everything incredibly funny. Everything. Even things that weren’t funny at all.

He’d stood by the wall, or rather he’d used the wall to hold him up, while Robert had gone off to dance. Julian knew dancing was beyond him in his state, he’d be lucky if he could walk. Had he drunk more than the others, for they seemed fine? Perhaps Robert’s stalky build aided in his tolerance.

It seemed Robert had only been gone a moment before he’d returned with a girl. A very tall debutante with golden-red hair and warm, though nervous, brown eyes.

Robert introduced them. But Julian hadn’t caught her name. He thought Robert had called the poor girl Miss Stork, but that couldn’t be right.

He laughed again at how strange it was that he couldn’t think straight. He laughed a great bit, he realized. When he settled enough to ask for her real name, the girl was gone.

He lurched up in bed from the dream. But awareness only brought the rest of the memory.

He’d thought he’d paid for his stupidity later that evening as he was casting up his guts in the bushes, or the next morning when his head pounded as his father shrieked at him. But no.

His minor discomfort didn’t make up for what he’d done to Elaina. Instead of taking up for her when a bully made a joke of her, he’d…laughed.

It was no wonder she despised him so. He’d ruined her first ball. Her come out. His insensitivity could quite possibly be the reason she’d fled London and never married.

He jumped from his bed and went to raise Bentley.

Of course, she hadn’t wanted him to go to Egypt. He’d tried to force himself into the life she’d made for herself after his callousness and thought himself justified to do so. He’d thought her unreasonable for not welcoming him.

But he must have caused her so much pain. He knew well enough what it felt like to be mocked. His father had done it often to make sure Julian didn’t think too highly of himself.

And Lainey surely thought Julian had laughed at Robert’s cruel jest when in fact, he would have laughed at anything. Or nothing.

Still, he’d hurt her deeply, then he’d selfishly forced her to help him. He felt the chill of shame run down his spine as he urged his valet to help him pack so they could leave at once.

He couldn’t do anything to rectify what he’d done, but he would do her the courtesy of getting out of her life as she’d wanted initially. And if part of his retreat was because he was too cowardly to face her and offer the impotent apology she deserved, so be it.

Thinking of their kiss now, sickened him. He hadn’t earned that honor.

Bentley packed his things without a word, either because he didn’t know what to say or was still partly asleep.

Dawn hinted at the horizon as they loaded his trunks.

In the silence of the carriage as they rolled out the lane, the older man finally spoke.

“What has happened?”

“I’m too embarrassed to speak of it,” Julian said, unable to look the man in the eye.

“Did you dishonor the lady? Because servant or no, I will turn this carriage around this instant if you need to offer marriage as reparations. Those mines are not worth a lady’s—”

Julian patted the man’s shoulder to soothe his anger and smiled at his closest friend.

“I assure you it was not that dire. But I can’t… I can’t face her. I surely won’t force the woman to travel with me all the way back to London. The fact she has spent this much time with me and remained civil is beyond what I deserve.”

Bentley eyed him curiously and Julian found himself explaining.

“It was years ago. I only just remembered tonight. I laughed at her, Ben. On the night that should have been the happiest of her life, Robert called her Miss Stork and I laughed.”

“Lord Dunnage,” Bentley muttered while shaking his head. “A bigger waste of breath I’ve never known.”

“I can only think he is somewhere paying for his sins as we speak.”