Page 40 of Love Sanctioned

“You can leave me. I’ma head back with Grams since my car is at her house. I’ll be there in the morning.”

I nodded. “Okay.” It was then I realized she was here for me, but this was her family, so as good of a friend as Junnie was, she’d only be present as much as she could. Junnie wasn’t my baby’s father, he was, and we weren’t together. I was supposed to be keeping my distance… After this, he didn’t have to worry about it anymore; he was getting all the distance he asked for. I was never placing myself in this position again.

She hugged me tightly. “Remember what I said.”

After that, I turned and left the gymnasium. It was a long hallway before I reached the exit doors. Besides me, there was a security guard and a few others also walking toward the door as well.

Then I heard him. His deep raspy tone and my name coated in it.

“Syn!” he called. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination. Maybe I wanted to hear him call me so badly that I mentally conjured it. Yep, I was hearing things.

Then it happened again.

“Syn!”

I stopped in my tracks for a split second, wanting nothing more than to turn around, but I didn’t. I pulled my purse back up on my shoulder and resumed walking.

“Syn!”

Fuck him!

When I made it to my car, I hopped in and didn’t even seatbelt myself before starting it up and pulling out of the parking lot.

I shocked myself when I pulled my phone out and found my father’s contact.

After a couple rings, he answered, “Hello.”

“My answer to your proposition is yes, but I need to meet him first.”

TEN

Posydiann

I studied the pale white wall, then looked at the blue paint I had just finished mixing. In the last few days I had taped, mudded, and sanded the walls. Then last night I primed. It was ready to be painted, a step I never thought I’d get to, yet here I was staring at it like I hadn’t chosen it months prior.

Fuck! Everything was so out of sorts in my mind these days.

My eyes moved around the room, locking briefly on the let-out, blanket, and pillow in the corner. I’d been here since Junior's game. We’d gone out to eat at a popular pizza spot to celebrate the victory. What was fucked up was the entire time we were there, I couldn’t focus. My mind was shot, and no matter how much I tried to blame it on everything I had going on, it all fell back to her. I hadn’t slept fully since she left because the entire space I called my own may as well have belonged to her. Seeing her at the game that night threw me. I damn sure hadn’t expected to see her, but who was I kidding. Regardless of what I said to her, she wasn’t the type to punish my son for me. Her heart didn’t beat that way.

When I came here that night, I got some work done, then funnily enough I fell right asleep. The first night wasn’t on purpose, but every night afterwards was. I was able to get halfway decent rest here because she hadn’t been here yet. I hadn’t experienced it through her eyes because I wanted her to see it after it was done and see more in me.

I closed my eyes, pushing thoughts of her to the back of my mind because I needed to. But the moment I tried, I was flushed back into the moment I watched her walk away from me yet again and didn’t go after her. After Junior’s game I couldn’t take seeing the sadness and uneasiness in her eyes, so I began to descend the bleachers going to her, but she must’ve felt me because she turned to leave quickly, rushing out of the gym.

By the time I got to the hallway outside the gymnasium, she was already at the doors. Her little ass had to have run. I called out to her twice before she stopped, and I thought she was going to turn around, but she didn’t. She only stopped for a split second, then rushed out of the door.

I shook my head, tired of this shit. Before I knew it, I had my phone in my hand. I dialed her number. Hell yeah I knew that shit by memory because I had found myself about to dial it several times, but I bitched out.

Deep down I knew she’d choose me, but what type of nigga would I be to make her choose? The nigga who couldn’t fucking live without her, even though I had every intention of doing some fucked up shit. Selfish.

I closed my eyes, listening to the phone ring.

Then she answered. “No Posydiann.” No pleasantry in sight, just a voice and the indication that she was drained.

“I love you, Syn. But you don’t know everything. It ain’t enough.” I blurted that shit out before I could even catch myself.

She sighed into the phone. “Don’t tell me what I know. I’m aware you made a decision for me instead of talking to me. I’m aware you broke me when I begged you to leave me alone at the risk. So, no Posydiann. You don’t get to call and make it all better. I’m done and I’m doing what’s best for me from now on.” She sounded like she was crying, which made me tighten my grip on the phone.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?”